*This article has been rated Triple-C by the B/R Commission due it being extremely charismatic nature, having a smattering of Christian and being written by someone who is crazy when it comes to the Captain.
A further warning is needed for Edgeheads, Ortonites, Jericholics and any other of the blinded and misguided folks that believe that 1) their idol is the best and 2) that they are the bigger maniac because you will bare witness to my charismatic magnificence and as the age old saying goes ; this article will open your eyes and make the truth revealed and will finally make the scars that you have gained from having to see your chosen ones fail you time and time again heal.*
JR: We thought this would be a classic and indeed we were correct. What we are witnessing is pro wrestling at its best, isn't that right Matt?
Matt Striker: Indeed it is JR but what more could we have expected? Wrestlemania, Madison Square Garden, the Unified Tag Team Championships on the line and in a TLC match; all ingredients for a recipe designed to entertain and please the thousands in attendance and the millions at home.
JR: Is that a D-Generation-X reference that I hear?
Matt Striker: No JR, this was a Matt Striker reference. Your hearing at your old age! Getting back to the action, it has been non-stop folks and the talent present in the ring is delivering their absolute best out there.
JR: Team Edge, Team Orton and last but certainly not least Team Christian are all on their A game and each are contributing in what has become the highlight of the evening thus far.
Matt Striker: Excuse for a second JR...
JR: And why is that Matt?
Matt Striker: We all know that as good as Edge and Orton are, it is Christian who is the star of the show. Look around you, the Peepulation is on its feet cheering for their Pontiff and I too am on my feet! CHRISTIAN, CHRISTIAN, CHRIS.....
JR: Put a zip on it Striker! We, as announcers, have to be impartial so there can be no bias!
Matt Striker: But......
JR: No buts!! Just get back to what you are best at doing and ANNOUNCE!
Matt Striker: ...........
JR: Ignoring my peep-infected friend her........... OOOOOOOOOOOOH! What a chair shot by Christian onto Edge but a Viper is slithering behind him, coiled and ready... toooo.. strik........
Matt Striker: Christian reverses the RKO attempt and delivers a SLOBBERKNOCKER of a right hand to the egg-like head of Randy Orton.
JR: Gimmick Infringement!!
Matt Striker: Now who is rolling out the DX references?
JR: No time to argue Matt as Christian's partner is back into the ring after falling 15 feet into a table. True heart out there, ladies and gentleman, and we must respect what these athletes are doing in the ring.
Matt Striker: It looks like both Christian and his partner, Captain Charisma, are beginning to feel that the end is near. They begin clapping their hands and the crowd are to in unison. Hell, I'm joining in with the fun!
JR (shaking his head) : Both Orton and Edge are looking a bit groggy as they get up and both Christian and Captain Charisma hook the arms of their foes and.... DOUBLE KILLSWITCH !! DOUBLE KILLSWITCH!! DOUBLE KILL....
Matt Stiker: ..SWITCH!! They are out for the count. The titles are there for the taking and Christian and Captain Charisma know this. They set up two ladders and both begin to climb what will be the longest short journey they will experience.
JR: But what’s this? The second halves of both Team Orton and Team Edge have re-entered the ring after the b***h fight they had earlier resulting in a double knockout!
Matt Striker: All Andrea Claire and Miss Annie have to do is knock Team Christian off the ladders and that’s them out of the equation. Here they g.......
JR: Oh My GOLLY GOD!! In all my years of pro wrestling, I have never seen this before. Both Claire and Annie are........ ogling their respective partners?
Matt Striker: They seem infatuated by the bodies of Edge and Orton that they have forgotten completely about the championships. Should we surprised JR? After all, the b***h fight started over whos’ abs were the better!
JR: That’s women for you Matt? A one-track mind!!
Matt Striker: Hold the phone JR!! Team Christian are on the penultimate rung, the final rung and they have done it!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If you close your eyes....................
We have new UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD and the best team has indeed won! The Christian Coalition will party tonight but the biggest Peep of all, one half of the new Unified Champions Captain Charisma, will have the most to celebrate!
JR: And as Christian and Captain Charisma bow to their Peeps, we see two people exit the building. Who could they possibly be?
Matt Striker: Who do you think JR? They are the sole members of the Edgehead and Ortonite movements and are returning to the hole of whence they came!
JR: And as confetti rains down, we will take a short break! Join us when we come back........ Matt!! Come back her...... Well, we will let Matt celebrate with the new champs whilst we take this little break!
Matt Striker: Welcome back to all the Peeps at home!
JR: How many times do I have to say to you Matt? IMPARTIAL!!
Matt Striker: Can't hear you ol' man because Josh Matthews is with the new Unified Tag Team Champions backstage now!!
(CAMERA GOES BACKSTAGE)
Josh Matthews: And here I am right now with YOUR new Unified Tag Team Champions. Any words gentleman?
Christian: Any words? Any words? What do you think cha-cha? And try a mint, your breath stinks! (Josh Matthews checks his breath while Christian grabs the microphone)
To all my Peeps in New York City .. no, no.... to all OUR peeps in New York City , we stand before you as the new Unified Tag Team Champions. We did exactly what we said we were going to do for the Peepulation (deafening cheer from the crowd) .
Many people said that we could not win, I mean we were facing two future Hall of Famers and their love-blinded disciples who would go to the ends of this earth to defend them. They said the we were not big enough, we did not have that aura, we did not have "IT". Well to those people, we have this to say......
Captain Charisma: We are "IT"!!
Christian: Indeed my friend! Unlike the Peeps that were in our opposite corner, our team was one that was destined for greatness and fulfilled our greatness. Unlike the Peeps we faced, we did not have the fatal flaw that they had; we kept our eyes on the prize instead of on each other and unlike our fine Peeps that we defeated at the biggest stage of them all..... we are CHAMPIONS!!
Captain Charisma: If I may Christian.......
(Christian hands Captain Charisma the microphone)
My journey through life has mirrored my idols. When I was a little kid, I loved wrestling. My passion grew each time I witnessed Stone Cold Steve Austin stunner Vince McMahon, every time The Rock made his way to the Smackdown Hotel but it was when the man standing next to me made his debut as a member of The Brood that my eyes were truly opening.
At that age anything regarding vampires, werewolves, pirates were exciting and seeing this manifest onto the hallowed turf of the WWE ring instantly made Christian my favorite. Hell, I even dressed up as Halloween as a member of The Brood!
However as Christian grew from his lonewolf period to his awesomeness period, so did I. Every child between the chasm of the magical childhood and the curiosity-driven teenage years experiences loner tendencies so to speak. They remain to themselves and talk to no-one and that was the case to me. That being said, I continued to watch Christian each and every week as he was someone that I could relate to at that time.
Then secondary school arrived and my personality shone out. I began to crack jokes, make many-a friend and just take the p!*@ out of people. I developed a new persona, a new gimmick so to speak but one thing remained constant. I was still a WWE fan and a still a person that liked to cheer for Christian.
Coincidentally, it was during this time that Christian had began to become the fun-loving member of E&C, being the one that would constantly steal the show and provide us with endless laughs backstage shenanigans. Posters of E&C with the less-talented one of Edge cut off were all over my wall and the catchphrase "real of awesomeness" was a permanent fixture in my vocabulary.
However for the next few years I was having an identity crisis. I wasn't sure of who I really was, what my true purpose was life. I wasn't sure how I should act, how should I dress and was following a path that would lead me nowhere but the beginning.
Christian was also on this path during these years. He was also unsure of what is true meaning was, what is true personality was. He had been a vampire, a lonewolf and a surfer but none of these had really fulfilled his life in what he had hoped. It was the shining beacon of hope in the form of the Intercontinental Championship that showed him is true path. Similarly, a light was revealed to me that showed me who I was truly meant to be.
And ironically, we both ended up at the same destination.
I had finally found my niche and that was to become a pillar of charisma and indeed that is what I became. I began wearing clothes that would show off my flair, show of my style and make people want to be me. I began, and still do, refer to my friends and just anyone as my Peeps and I was instilled a confidence I never knew I had. Christian had also become the person that everyone loved to hate and was entertaining us week after week after week............ and right now he has put on a show for all you lot watching at home and all you lot in the arena.
(Christian holds up the hand of Captain Charisma with the titles in their hands)
Christian's evolution from a member of the Brood to a lonewolf to a surfer to the person that stand before you today was essentially my evolution from a little child that loved anything about vampires and werewolves to the moody pre-teenager who hid in his own shell to the fun-loving joker to finally the cocky, arrogant CHAMPION that also stand before you today.
But....... one thing remained a constant throughout my growth as a person and that was wrestling. More specifically, Christian. He has been the person that I turned to when I was down, the one that I knew would always entertain me and that one that I would mould my life to become.
Like many other maniacs, like many other fans of specific wrestlers, I have owned all the memorabilia. I have purchased all the t-shirts. I have waited hours in a queue just to get tickets to see my idol live.
I also think that he is the perfect athlete and wrestler. I also know that he is the best promo guy in the business. I love his character whether as a face or heel. I have his wallpaper on all my stuff but unlike all of you lot, my life had paralleled that of Christian and it is indeed Christian that I have to thank for where I am today for it.
And in case you do not know where that is... it is before all my.....
Christian, Captain Charisma and the whole arena: PEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Captain Charisma: as your Unified Tag Team Champions and before we let you get on with the show, we just have one more thing to say.......
Christian & Captain Charisma: THAT'S HOW WE ROLL!!!!
(ARENA ERUPTS WITH CHANTS OF CHRISTIAN AND CAPTAIN CHARISMA)
*You may find this funny or you may find this insightful... you may enjoy it or you may hate it.... but at the end of the day, it's like this; I will always be a Peep no matter where Christian's path ends up, I love watching him in the ring and whether I win MvM or not, my loyalty for Christian will never wane and in essence, that makes me a true MANIAC!!*