No, Seriously...The Philadelphia Phillies Remind Me of Old High School Flings

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No, Seriously...The Philadelphia Phillies Remind Me of Old High School Flings

In high school, I had my share of male admirers who were able to make me happy and angry all in the same day.

Moody? Sometimes.

High expectations? Always.

The expectations that I had for those guys aren't very different from the expectations I have for my favorite baseball teams—namely, the offense of Philadelphia Phillies. 

Luckily for me, the Phillies, although frustrating at times, fulfill my expectations better than the boys of my high school years.

One demand I had for those high school boys was that I needed a good amount of compliments. Not too much, or everything else loses its value. Give me a steady, dependable amount of compliments and keep my hungry for more. Give me too little and the guy just loses me.

Those compliments are just like the Phillies’ runs.

While I do enjoy winning, scoring 20, 15, or 12 runs is just unnecessary. Save some for later, sweetie! 

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and applaud the effort, but when the offense can’t muster up two or three runs in support of a fabulous outing by the starting pitcher, I am not amused.  I become that bitter teenage girl who says, “Why can’t you produce some offense like you did at the end of May?”

My other teenage demand for my suitors in high school was for them to be attentive.  Not one to repeat herself, I expected a guy to pay close attention to me and my preferences. 

I was an independent girl who loved her sports.  These guys needed to know when it was the right time to stay and the right time to go.  Nothing was worse than a guy who wanted to go to the movies when the A’s were playing and Ron Darling was on the mound (don’t ask why I had this inexplicable obsession with Darling).

The Phillies, on the other hand, know when to go and when to stay.  With Davey Lopes as their guide, the Phils successfully stole 45 bases—caught stealing just seven times (86 percent stolen base percentage!).  There are very few things better than a man who knows when to go.  If he steals home, he steals my attention.

Honesty and accountability are things I still demand from the man in my life. If he is going to do something, he needs to be strong and own up to it.  If he forgets my birthday, fine, but he shouldn’t lie. He will hear it from me, but it’s better than lying.  Be truthful, we “discuss,” and it’s over.

The Phillies are an honest bunch.  Shane Victorino is unhappy about his role in the lineup? Well, Charlie Manuel lets him know that he needs to up his batting average.  There you go. It’s simple. You have a problem? Speak, get an answer, and do something about it.

Jimmy Rollins gets benched for not hustling out of the box. He knew what he did and owned up to it. That’s what a girl wants: a guy who can admit his wrongs and learn from it.

Expectations aren’t the only similarity between my high school guys and the Phillies’ offense.  They also match in the looks department.

I went through the super-hot guy phase, the sense-of-humor-is-better-than-looks guy phase, the sociable guy phase, and the nice guys phase (with other phases in between).  The Phillies lineup consists of those guys. The guy with the movie star looks, the guy with a great personality, etc.—it’s up to you to figure out who is who.

So as we approach the last game of current series between the Phils and the Florida Marlins, let’s hope that the Philadelphia bats get hot again or else the bitter teenage girl in me will reappear—being swept will do that to a level-headed twenty-something-year-old woman.

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