Before I get down to business, let me start off by saying thank you to everyone that voted for me and helped me win article of the day for June tenth. It was the first article I ever wrote to really get recognized and I deeply appreciate it. The original aricle of this series can be found here.
But now, let’s get to the main reason why you opened this page; to see the remaining warning signs that may lead you to believing you have a hockey obsession. How healthy is up to you to decide.
You know you’re obsessed with hockey when…
37. You’ve memorized your entire team’s schedule for each of the last five seasons.
38. You’ve watched NHL.Com highlights so many times on a three inch screen that now you have to go to the eye doctor.
39. You’ve studied your team’s arena’s seating chart so many times you can walk to your section blindfolded.
40. You listen to and sing along with your favorite goal song all day long.
41. You have a pet pit bull named Ogie Ogelthorpe.
42. The walls of your bedroom are the same as your team’s colors.
43. You shook hands with Patrick Roy last week and still haven’t washed them.
44. The vibration of walking into your room causes a thunderous clicking sound made from the seventy hockey player bobble heads sitting on your shelf.
45. You have life size cardboard cutouts of Gordie Howe, Bobby Orr, and Terry Sawchuk in your office.
46. You’ve read every single one of Alan Bass’ team reports.
47. You cried for over two hours when Wayne Gretzky retired.
48. To you the Stanley Cup is not just an award, but an idol of worship.
49. You shaved your head to honor Mark Messier only to find out that his baldness came naturally and is permanent.
50. The lottery numbers you play just so happen to be the same ones retired by your favorite team.
51. You have a sign reading “Don’t bother me, I’m watching Hockey” proudly nailed to your bedroom door.
52. You have enough Eric Lindros rookie cards to stretch from your house to your team’s arena.
53. You look at a petite Filet Mignon and can’t help but think of a hockey puck.
54. You’ve seen “Miracle” so many times you know when Kurt Russell pauses to breath.
55. You once saved up enough aluminum foil from your school lunches so you could build an exact replica of the Stanley Cup.
56. You know what the instructions label reads on the bottle in the back of Sean Hill’s closet.
57. You hate Tiger Woods with a passion even though you’ve never watched one round of golf.
58. For Halloween you dressed up as Ken Daneyko by wearing a Devils’ jersey and putting black paint on your two front teeth.
59. You knew before anyone else that Barry Melrose wouldn’t be able to coach a Stanley Cup winner even with guys like Gretzky, Kurri, and Robitaille on his team.
60. You don’t change your underwear during a winning streak. (You poor Sabres fans from 2006/07).
61. You were watching a pre-season game when the power ran out and you drove to the store to buy a generator only to find that the power was back on when you returned, but you kept it next to you anyway.
62. You jumped over the glass to chase after a working Zamboni while arena security furiously chased after you.
63. You’ve stood in front of the mirror admiring your black eye.
64. When your favorite player got a concussion you punched yourself in the head repeatedly so you could feel how he did.
65. You’ve shaved with a broken piece of a composite hockey stick.
66. You stayed up five hours past your bedtime to watch a playoff game but couldn’t last one period of Devils’ hockey.
67. You once broke into Sean Avery’s mansion home just to wash his Bentley.
68. Your favorite song is “When September Ends”.
69. You tried to help out Martin Brodeur with his alimony payments.
70. You re-enacted scenes from “Slap Shot” in your roller hockey league only to find yourself banned for life and thrown in jail without the possibility of parole.
71. You were captured by Al-Qaeda and requested to watch a video titled “Neutral Zone Trap Defense 101” as your method of torture.
72. You’ve called the league office complaining about every bad call until the million minutes plan on your cell phone ran out.
73. When your math teacher told you to illustrate the Pythagorean Theorem, you used a hockey pennant as your example.
74. You woke up in the middle of the night almost suffocating only to realize you just had a dream about Jacques Lemaire’s style of play.
(Drum roll please)
75. And finally, you thought about accepting Mike Danton’s offer for you to be his hit man but politely declined because you were too busy watching a hockey game.
So let me ask this again; after reading the top seventy five warning signs that you may have a hockey obession, where do you rank?
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