The Bulls Finally Have a Date to The Prom: The John Paxson Story

Vincent WongContributor IJune 12, 2008


After hearing a flood of different names mentioned for the "coveted" Chicago Bulls head coach position, the hiring of Vinny Del Negro (or as some media outlets in Chicago has dubbed "Vinny of the Black") has brought both confusion and uncertainty.


Hold on.

We just miraculously received the Number 1 draft pick, accumulated movable pieces and young talent...and we get an unproven, rookie coach to mold the silly putty of what we know as the Chicago Bulls roster? The Chicago media will EAT this guy up...

Well, maybe we're getting ahead ourselves.

This coaching search has turned almost into a high school drama.

We have our hero (John Paxson), formally a stud, doing all the right moves (Deng, Gordon, Hinrich), charismatic (media friendly),gets rid of trouble makers (Tyson, Eddy, JR, Crawford), and most importantly, wins (three straight playoff appearances).

All the sudden, our hero experiences one tough year. Things get rocky with his ball-busting girlfriend, and he has to make the split. He shortly rebounds with his ex's close friend, but after realizing that she has no personality, he dumps her after the school year.

The town starts to turn on him, call for his departure, and throw him under the bus.

Lucky for our hero, he gets a second chance.e   He buys a raffle ticket and with his 1.7% chance of winning, receives a brand spanking new sports car (let's just say, a Rose Red Ferrari).  You could imagine how upset the nerdy kid from Seattle felt buying all those tickets (don't feel bad for him though, he went home with a potential glass of Orange Juice).

Suddenly, all the girls are taking a look at our hero once again. In fact, the sexy, wild girl whose hot as the Sun begins to take interest. Unfortunately, just as our hero drove up with his new Rose Red Ferrari, the rich kid from upstate pulls in with his Bentley Phantom. Turns out she's a gold-digger.

Heart broken, our hero did the thing that a clear thinking man should never do... consult an ex-girlfriend. Though they shared good times in the past, lots of time has passed between them. Eventually, they did the right thing and remained friends.

After dating around with many different girls, like a loud, sausage lipped shawty...a Casey from Minny, and a girl with a big craving for the "long-ball"...our hero settles on the young, charismatic, fun loving, virgin.

All his friends are laughing at him now... but maybe this relationship will work. Maybe she'll work with his kids, keep them in check. Maybe she'll have enough personality to keep his friends from hating.

Apparently, their relationship has the blessing from a mutual friend, but then again, he's a Superman fan. And Superman's getting kind of old nowadays anyways. Let's see if they survive this school year.

Well, John Paxson sure did take his time...hopefully he knows something everyone else doesn't. Any early struggles will be dubbed a mistake...thus ending Mr. Big Shot '93 tenure as GM.