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Mark Richt knows what's wrong with the Georgia Bulldogs.
He knows why the 'Dogs are 5-4 and in jeopardy of missing a bowl trip for the first time in eight years.
Richt has figured out why his team has fallen off the SEC East radar.
It's not the schizophrenic offense that was able to torch Arkansas for 52 points but could only scrounge up 19 against Tennessee and 10 at Oklahoma State.
It's not the erratic defense that allowed 37 to South Carolina, 41 to Arkansas, 41 to Florida, and 45 to Tennessee.
Nope. It's choreography and costuming that are the problem for his Bulldog team.
It all goes back to 2007. Desperately needing a spark to help break up a Florida stranglehold on Georgia's series against the Gators (Florida had won 15 of the last 17), the staid Richt instructed his players to get an excessive celebration penalty after their first score.
The entire team rushed the field, danced like nobody was watching, earned the flag and went on to a 42-30 win.
Two weeks later, Richt and his Georgia team danced again, this time on the sidelines. As the stadium speakers blared Crank Dat (Superman) by Souja Boy, the team shook its collective Bulldog butt en route to a 45-20 thrashing of Auburn.
Even CBS announcer Verne Lundquist got into the act, captured on camera doing his version of the dance in the booth, a freakishly grotesque rendition that most resembled the Caddyshack gopher being hit with a taser.
Not only did the Bulldogs boogie, but they turned out in black jerseys for the first time ever, contributing to a blackout theme that saw most Bulldog fans also wearing black instead of the traditional red.
The fashion statement translated to the field as the Bulldogs surged toward the top of the 2007 rankings.
Georgia finished 11-2, exorcised the Florida demons and made a legitimate case for inclusion in the national championship discussion.
The problem for the Bulldogs was that Tennessee, one of two teams to knock off the Bulldogs that season, earned the SEC East title and berth in the championship game.
Still, Richt learned from the experience. He learned that one of the most critical components to game preparation was choreography and fashion.
"I think I've learned that it's about 50-50," Richt said in 2008 of the importance of energy and scheme. "You better do a good job fundamentally and scheme-wise, but you need to try to find a way to add energy."
Richt's method of adding energy? New clothes. He gave up play-calling duties in 2006 in order to focus more on gauging his team's emotional level.
"I think it's mart of Mark growing as a coach," UGA athletic director Damon Evans said of Richt's new concentration on intangibles. "I think Mark has grown every single year as a coach and gotten better and better. We all learn new things."
Richt called on the black jerseys for a Sugar Bowl game against Hawaii, and the Bulldogs annihilated the Warriors.
Forget the shoes; it's got to be the shirts.
When the Bulldogs faced Alabama in 2008, Richt returned the well and trotted out the black jerseys again.
One Alabama coach famously riffed that they were dressed in black for a funeral. Their own.
And so it was. Alabama buried the Bulldogs and mauled the black jersey mystique.
Later in the season, Florida exacted 49-10 revenge for the dancing of 2007.
Mystified, Richt tried to figure out what went wrong. Why hadn't the black jersey strategy worked? He had to be able to figure out how to successfully accessorize in 2009 or half of his coaching strategy would be for naught. Was his purchase of the full season of What Not To Wear on DVD a waste?
The black jersey failure so puzzled Richt so he consulted with famous fashion designer Vera Wang.
"Jerseys are so 2008, darling," Wang said. "Hats are where it's at in 2009!"
Perfect, Richt thought to himself as he sat down at the drawing board and crafted the next fashion statement for his team.
For Florida this season, the Bulldogs donned black helmets for the first time ever. Richt joyfully anticipated a cathartic win over the hated Gators.
A 41-17 thrashing later, Richt was despondent.
The Bulldog fan base, which two years earlier had considered electing him emperor of the universe, had begun to lose faith. Rumors that Richt was on the hot seat and could be out of a job should his team fall to rival Auburn began to gather steam.
The Georgia coach wasn't really concerned with his future, as he'd already started to build a Hollywood resume and could fall back on his acting career, but he didn't want to leave his football hobby on a sour note.
Richt's thespian efforts showed true range. He'd played everything from a football coach to a football coach in a variety of projects.
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