Week Eight: What We Learned About The Chicago Bears...They Are Bad

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Week Eight: What We Learned About The Chicago Bears...They Are Bad
Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

After a dream vacation in victory lane against the Cleveland Browns, the Chicago Bears came back to reality Sunday and were completely dominated by another solid, but beatable team in the form of the Arizona Cardinals.  

However, bad teams lose to beatable teams and the Bears proved to all the doubters out there that they are indeed bad.   

The Bears gave up four touchdowns on the first four Cardinal drives and that was the end of it.  As always, the Bears decided to attempt some kind of come-back in order to make the score look readable, but in no way shape or form were the Bears ever in this game. 

 

The Bears Are Easier to Score on Than Your Mom

It is not like the first four Cardinal scoring drives were in Bears territory either.  Kurt Warner led the Cardinals on drives of 81, 74, 70, and 86. 

Arizona converted on their first eight, third downs.  As football rules state, in order to get off the field, the defense must stop an offense on three plays. 

The Cardinals had 320 yards and 21 first downs in the first half.  Matt Forte has 441 yards on the entire season to put that into perspective...and I was basically looking for an excuse to knock Forte's production. 

The Cardinals did all this without Anquan Boldin. 

And to the people who roll their eyes and say no team can stop Larry Fitzgerald, the Cardinals found a rushing attack against the Bears defense as well.  The Cardinals were averaging an NFL-low 64.9 yards per game rushing and had 182 yards on 31 carries against the Bears. 

And to the people who for some reason continue to make excuses for the Bears and say they ran into a running back on a career day, Tim Hightower (averaging 35.4 yards per game this season) had 77 yards rushing and Beanie Wells (averaging 38.8 yards per game this season) had 72 yards rushing.  This was Wells' highest and Hightower's second highest rushing total in a game in the NFL.

Two players having a career day rushing is not a fluke.

The rushing debacle could have been thanks to Tommie Harris making his hardest hit of the season...with his fist...to Deuce Lutui's helmet.  Harris was ejected after four plays.  A sign that this team is well-coached and disciplined. 

Perhaps instead of writing "PSALM" across his nose, Harris should write "CALM"...no?  Bad joke?  Lets move on.      

Not exactly sure why players feel the need to punch other players in their helmets.  I don't see how that hurts anyone but the puncher, while the punchee laughs at the flag/ejection that follows.  

In terms of non-scumbag departures, the Bears lost Charles Tillman and Al Afalava to shoulder injuries in the first half as well. 

The Bears will be holding open tryouts for people who can play defense for 16 games of football without getting hurt.  Apparently there are people in the world who can do that nowadays.

 

The D-line Got a Sack, but No Balls

The defensive line actually got a sack from Alex Brown in between letting up 182 yards rushing and punching people. 

However, they were unable to get the football...what balls were you thinking of?

Get your head out of the gutter, we all know the Bears defense has no testicles. 

 

Jay Cutler is our Quarterback

Cutler actually had a really good game even after it became pretty obvious the Bears would be throwing on every play.  Cutler was 29-of-47 for 369 yards with three touchdowns and one interception with a passer rating of 98.6.  All three touchdowns were to Greg Olsen who remained on my fantasy team's bench.  

Cutler was sacked four times, which is bound to happen when you pass 47 times.  

Forte had 33 rushes off of five carries, but the possibility of a running game progressing was short-lived thanks to the Bears forgetting to play defense.  

 

The Bears Are Who I Thought They Were...Mediocre

At this point the Bears are borderline bad as opposed to mediocre.  They are field goals away from losing to the Steelers, before they realized Rashard Mendenhall was better than Willie Parker, and the Seahawks, who nearly won with Seneca Wallace as their starting quarterback.  

That leaves wins over the Detroit Lions and the Browns.  Impressive if you're in the Arena Football League, but not in the NFL.

The problem for the Bears is they only have two wins left on the schedule against the St. Louis Rams and the Lions.  Otherwise they play the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Green Bay Packers, Baltimore Ravens, and the Minnesota Vikings twice. 

Amongst that mess, I only see maybe two wins, three tops.  

The Bears are looking at a best-case scenario of 9-7 and that won't cut it, especially since they've already lost to teams they will be competing with for the wild card spots.

A new quarterback cannot play defense nor can he improve the offensive line, so thinking the Bears were going to the Super Bowl solely because of the addition of Jay Cutler was foolish.  The Bears came into the season depending on inexperienced receivers, an aged offensive line, a second-year running back, and a defense that was awful last season. 

The Bears fairy god-quarterback has no powers that can make that into a winning football team.     

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