President "Robbing Hood" Obama Attacks The New York Yankees (Satire)

Joseph JoveContributor INovember 10, 2009

JOVE:  How are you today Mr President?

ROBBING HOOD: "Let me be clear" I need fundamental change in baseball.

JOVE: what did you just say?

RH:  Errr...Sorry, "my teleprompter" is acting up again. Thank you, I am doing just fine.

JOVE: Mr President, do you really need a "teleprompter" for this interview?

RH: How else will "Rahm" answer your questions?

JOVE: With all do respect sir, "Rahm" is not the are.

RH: (big smile) Of course, I am the president. "Let me be clear" I am the president.

JOVE: Mr President why do you feel that the Yankees must be stopped, aren't they playing by the same rules as any other Major League baseball franchise?

RH: "Make no mistake" The Yankees will be stopped in order to pass "universal health care".

JOVE: What? - Mr president I am going to have to ask you to stop glancing over to the teleprompter. It is broken (not unlike your presidency).

RH: "Let me be clear" We need "real change" in America, what better place to start than in the Bronx. For a century now the Yankees have been winning to often, how is that fair to the struggling and mismanaged  franchises all over this nation?

How is that fair to the greedy owners, who trade their best players away and pocket all their profits?

How does that give "hope" to the fans who never come see their local teams play?

"Winning is a luxury" that we as Americans can no longer "exploit". There should be no winners, only losers. It sets a bad example to our children and to the rest of the world.

Our children become to stressed out if they can't win. We need to show them that "we are all losers".

Why do you think I made my "apology tour" all over the world? -  Because "winning creates resentment" and that's what America has been creating with it's "capitalism".

Not to mention all the "damage" that "free enterprise" has "afflicted" to the "thriving polar bears" in the north pole. 

JOVE: Mr President, that is the most "ridiculous statement" that I have ever heard by anyone at anytime.

What will our children strive for?

How will they be able to compete in the world market if they are not compelled to be the best at something?

How is that positive "change"?

RH: They won't need to compete, "the government will take care of all their needs".

Why should any child of this great nation have to work hard for the same things that other wealthy children get handed to them on a silver platter? 

Why not "seize the assets" from the rich and "redistribute the wealth" in order to level out the playing field.

Like I said, and "let me be clear" my administration will "punish any entity" that strives to be the best while there are so many poor or "lazy people" who are "entitled" to the same things as any wealthy or hard working individual.

I can no longer look away when a young man or women decides to quit school and party while others work hard and enjoy the fruits of life. "It is not fair to the people" who bare no ambition.

JOVE: How will America react to your "rope and chains"...I mean "hope and change" ?

RH"Who cares" how they react. "I control" congress, the senate, the White House and all of the media except for one pesky fake news organization.

Government has a "duty to think for America"I know what is best for them, "only I" can make those difficult choices.

JOVE: What difficult choices are you referring to?

RH"Me The Government" will show you "We The People the proper way to 1. Eat 2. speak 3. think 4. how to raise your children... and that's just to name a few.

JOVE: How will you "restructure" (take over) the Major Leagues ?

RH: The way I'll bring my "change you can believe in" to baseball will be to "bail out" the struggling franchises.

Once I get my "Ears through the door" then I will be able to "dictate" how much money the players will make.

Since "federal money" will be "subsidising" MLB then that would mean I will be the new commissioner, owner and players union.

I will than "establish" a baseball "Czar" that will "punish those who stray" from my "Rope and Chains" Errr... I mean "Hope and Change." Sound familiar?

JOVE: What will be your first act as acting "supreme leader" of baseball?

RH: (Smiling)...First thing I will do is to retire number 44 throughout all of baseball.

JOVE: Number 44?

Why would you retire number 44?

RH: Come on Jove...Everyone knows that "I am" the 44Th president of the "Obama States of America".

JOVE: Wow...That's what I call a clean-up hitter.

What will be your 2ND act as "supreme leader" ?

RH"Banish" numbers 1 thru 43 and 45 thru infinity.

JOVE: But that would leave no numbers for the players!

Why would you do such a thing?

RH: Because numbers just "confuse" "We The People."

A prime example of "Americas confusion" with numbers is that they think that 10.2 percent unemployment" is a terrible thing. They don't realise that "I created or saved" 643 million jobs in just 10 short months.

JOVE: 643 million jobs!...In America?

RH: China.

JOVE: Who cares about China, you actually sound "proud" of that "blasphemy".

RH: Oh Jove...Obviously you know very little about "Obamanomics". Let me enlighten your "confused" AstroTurf brain.

I "create or save" 643 million jobs in China and in return the Chinese keep my line of credit open for future trillions in stimulus cash.

With those "trillions of dollars" will create "shovel ready jobs" here in America.

JOVE: How many jobs will you "create or (hmmm) save" ?

RH"I am proud" to say hundreds Jove... 10's of hundreds of jobs for "my" administration.

JOVE: You mean for America...Right?

RH: Same thing. All of America will eventually work for "me", thus, "my" administration.

JOVE: (Thinking)...That's a "bunch of crap", now I know why they call it shovel ready.

JOVE: What has the first lady said about your "new world order" and your mission to "change" baseball?

RH: Her initial reaction was "for the first time I am proud of our national past-time"

JOVE: Figures!

 Suddenly... Mr Obama jumps up from his chair, takes off his suit and loosens his tie while rolling up his shirt sleeves, and begins to chant feverishly as though he was in a trance.

RHI am all fired up! Let ME be clear, I am all fired up...Are we all fired up?


RH: Jove, are you all fired up?

JOVE: Mr President "Why are you still campaigning? - Your campaign ended a year ago.

You already won, you are the winner!

RH: "SSHHHHHH - don't speak"...Haven't you listened to anything I said? There are "no winners", only "losers".

JOVE: But Mr President...(interrupted)

RH: Mr Jove "are you a teabagger" or something?

JOVE: Mr president do you know what a teabagger really is?

It's when a naked man lowers his...(interrupted)

RH: Yes! Mr Jove, I know what a teabagger is! There are ladies in the room so please use better judgment.

JOVE: But you were the one who...(interrupted)


JOVE: No ! For god sakes, why would you assume that I am a Raci...(interrupted)

RH: Mr Jove do you work for Fox News?

JOVE: Fox News? No, this is an article for the Bleacher Rep...(interrupted)

RH: Good, because "Fox News days are numbered"I can not have a "fake news agency" spreading truths about my administration.

Fox should take notice how MSNBC does their "news cycles about me". Now there is a truly "GOOD LAPDOG", Errr...I mean news channel.

At that point of the interview Robert Gibbs comes running out of the corner of the room and gives me a dirty look, and says, "Mr President we have a national emergency that needs your undivided attention."

Gibbs then kicks me in the tea-bag, while I am seeing stars and gasping for air, he whispers in my ear "Our Acorn soldiers will be paying you a visit  real soon, you tea-bagging SOB".

After tea-ing off on my tea-bag I wont be tea-bagging anyone any time soon.

My serious conclusion of Mr Obama

Mr Obama is a very articulate and pleasant fellow, very likable and interesting to speak with. At the same time, he is also a well crafted and disciplined leftist. Moving forward with the convoluted logic of the progressive liberal leftist agenda, and doing so with unprecedented audacity.

When those vague, misguided fuzzy dreams are manifested in the real world (in the only way they can possibly be manifested) they become diluted with the harsh realities of this dangerous and unforgiving world we live in. It then shows itself to be forehead slapping (three stooges) dumb.

What I predict will happen is, that at some point, the elite leftist media will come to realise that Mr Obama is circling the proverbial "bottomless political pit." They will then know that he will go down that pit same as Mr Carter once did. Eventually the leftist media will surely throw Mr Obama under the bus, before they end up under it!

The only difference between Mr Obama and Mr Carter is that Mr Obama is even more incompetent than Mr Carter was. He is blindly following the same footsteps as Carter, but he is neglecting to pay attention to Carters political demise. By doing so he will indubitably suffer the same fate.

Mr Obama's leftist imprint dwarfs that of Mr Carter's during his administration in the late seventies. The Bigger the imprint, the bigger the fall will be. Unless history decides not to repeat itself, if that would be true then we will all be in uncharted territory.

When, and if, we reach that uncharted territory, there will be uncertainty. The stock market absolutely despises uncertainty. Coupled with the unprecedented fiscal deficit and double digit unemployment the stock market will crash and burn. The only light at the end of that tunnel will be a locomotive headed our way called Obamanomics.

Inflation will then come into play at astronomical proportions like we have never before witnessed. The reason inflation will rise, is because, with less collectible taxes to pay for all the entitlements due to high unemployment, the federal government will have to print more money that it does not have to temporarily cover the costs.

Why do you think country's like Colombia have 20,000 peso bills? Astronomical inflation that's why. The Dollar will be what a penny is today, thus, the government will simply supply us with $20,000 bills and make us all fictitious millionaires.

What scares me to death is, what will happen when the Federal Reserve printing presses run out of ink?

Who will be there to bail-out the Federal Government?

My name is Joseph Jove, and, I won't pledge allegiance to the public option of the health care system of the United States of America, and to Nancy Pelosi for which she stands. One single payer, under Obama, with tyranny and injustice for all...Mmmm...Mmmm...Mmmm...I'll take my 5 years in prison now.









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