Tennis Players' Theme Songs (Satire)

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Tennis Players' Theme Songs (Satire)
Julian Finney/Getty Images

In 2002 I attended the Davis Cup encounter between Great Britain and Sweden. Much of the day is a blur, yet one thing that has etched itself into my memory was the use of entrance music.

Great Britain strode onto the court to “Let Me Entertain You” by Robbie Williams, while Sweden, rather predictably, opted for an ABBA song. The song in question was “The Winner Takes It All.”

The purpose of such a musical entrance, one can only assume, is to excite the crowd and help to create a better atmosphere. Alternatively, in the case of Sweden’s choice of music, it was a warning to the British of what they would have by the end of the contest.

With this in mind, here are a few possibilities for tennis players’ theme songs.

Roger Federer: The Nutcracker: Overture by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

Note: Two of the most over-used words when describing Roger Federer are “Graceful” and “Elegant.”

Word on the street would have you believe that Roger Federer knows how to move his feet. Federer gracefully glides across the court, much like a ballet dancer, hence the ballet music when he strides onto court.

Furthermore, Federer’s all-round elegance on and off the court blends nicely with the ambiance of classical music.

Alternatively...

...How fitting. Roger Federer is boring. He has no personality whatsoever. Classical music is boring; I mean where are the guitar solos. Federer and classical music are a match made in heaven.

Andy Murray: New York State of Mind by Billy Joel

No matter what time of year it is, pundits bang on about Murray’s best chance of winning a major is at the U.S. Open. Could it be that is mind, for 50 weeks of the year, is elsewhere?

Andy Roddick: O Fortuna (from Carmina Burana) by Carl Orff

Roddick’s lack of success could well be as result of luck deserting him when he needed it most. Or, more likely, Roddick lacks the talent to consistently compete with the big boys. “O Ingenium.”

Marat Safin: Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen

Perhaps, Marat can try these modified lyrics for size.

“When I was younger, I was a great tennis player
I could hit that yellow ball right past you
Now I’m only a fool boy
Yeah, I won some big matches
But it’s all in the past now
I just spend all my time thinking about

Glory days
Well, they passed me by…”

Maria Sharapova/Ana Ivanovic: She’s Everything by Brad Paisley

“She’s everything I ever wanted
She’s everything I need”

The deluded ramblings from much of the male population, whose sole reason for their interest in women’s tennis has very little to do with tennis.

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