Geneticists Perfect Human Cloning; Steinbrenner Takes Advantage

New York--- Yankees owner George Steinbrenner announced Saturday that recent breakthroughs in human cloning had been used to create six exact clones of pitcher C.C Sabathia, allowing him to start every night of the regular season and in every game of a seven game postseason series.

            Steinbrenner made the announcement at a press conference from Yankee Stadium, while seated in between five of the seven Sabathias.

“Recent developments by the scientific community in the area of human cloning were brought to my attention by [Yankees General Manager] Brian Cashman, and after seeing C.C’s dominance over the course of the season, I decided that it would be a worthwhile investment for my team,” Steinbrenner told members of the media.

 Each of the C.Cs declined to answer any questions at the conference.

            During the 2009 postseason, Sabathia’s first of his career, the pitcher was given numerous starts after only three days of rest, instead of the usual four to five. “Physically, I feel fine after three days of rest. I know most pitchers prefer to sit an extra day, but I figure that anything the team needed me to do, I could certainly handle. Maybe it was the extra adrenaline from being in my first postseason, but I didn’t feel any difference in velocity after three days of rest when compared to four,” Sabathia was quoted as saying before game four of the World Series.

            Reactions to the news of Sabathia having been cloned vary among analysts and fans alike. “Well, the Yankees certainly have the money, and if the opportunity is out there, why not take it?” ESPN baseball analyst Bobby Valentine asked.

Others, like Fox Sports’ Joe Buck, seem to believe differently. “This is just ridiculous,” said Buck, “the Yankees have been buying many of their best players for a while now, but this brings all of recent spending to a whole new level. At least all the money the spent before the ’09 season was on different players. There have to be some kind of sports ethics and medical ethics questions that are brought up here.”

            No word yet on whether each Sabathia will be making the more than 15 million dollars that the original C.C made last season, or on what will become of the rest of the Yankees pitching staff.