Cristiano Ronaldo, Paris Hilton, and Witchcraft

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  Love him or hate him, Cristiano Ronaldo’s tabloid exposure has never been in short supply. Whether sporting shorts a bit to short in public or sunbathing with a new woman every weekend, Ronaldo has always been the center of the cameras attention from Portugal to Manchester. His recent budding relationship with fellow paparazzi icon Paris Hilton has drawn some attention of a different kind, as things seem to be headed in a downward spiral for the most expensive player in football history, and the speculation for the cause is pointing at the supernatural.

  After the two decided to go their separate ways, comments between the two showed how their bitter the relationship may have ended, as a source close to Paris stated “He was just too uptight for her to find attractive. In the end, Paris realized their relationship simply wasn’t clicking. Paris got to know him and realized he’s not nearly hot enough.” Adding “She likes her men rugged, it’s as simple as that. She thought her friends would laugh at her if she dated a guy who walks around with flowers in her hair.”

  As if the low blows about Ronaldo’s manhood weren’t bad enough now some believe hat Hilton went as far to hire a witchdoctor to curse the Real Madrid Forward.  Sources say “The witchcraft expert has revealed that he was hired by a woman who was “deceived” by the Portuguese man-o’-sex. Given his penchant for ladies of ill repute, this piece of information doesn’t exactly round things down, but Pepe also describes his client as “very famous, rich and not European”. Therefore, the Spanish press infer that the prime suspect is Paris Hilton, who has publicly admitted that Ronaldo was “too gay” for her.”

  Of course witchcraft and curses belongs more at home at  Hogwarts School rather than on the pitch, but the course of events to follow may suggest otherwise. Ronaldo has since suffered a serious ankle injury that still has his season with Real Madrid and Portugal in the World Cup qualifiers in question. This has only caused tension between Madrid and Portugal as Ronaldo is scheduled to play in World Cup qualifying games on November 14^th and 18^th, Ronaldo’s recovery hanging in the balance.

  This past week tests to the ankle which was also injured in 2008, have revealed that there has been no improvement since an MRI scan a week earlier. Hocus Pocus. 

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