Drubbed by the Goons at the Library after being mugged by the Potters (pun intended) at the Lane.
Humbled by United and Chelsea before.
Spurs ready for Champions League football? Not likely!
As I sit down on the sofa with a coffee and massive bar of chocolate to hand on a dreary November afternoon in rainy Clapham Junction, I begin to wonder why I thought that it would be cool to follow the lead of my best mate and support Spurs all those years ago because they had 'cool players'.
Years of pain, frustration and misery have since followed, with infrequent moments of pure joy: Paul Stalteri running the length of the field for a 96th minute winner against the Hammers, stuffing the Arsenal in the Carling Cup semi-final, watching Klinsmann score four on the final day of the season to secure our top-flight status.
Today, with Spurs in fifth on 19 points from 11 matches, a rejuvenated Sunderland are the visitors.
Everything that follows is true, heartfelt and quite possibly slightly exaggerated (credit where it's due for the honesty!):
'F%$^&$ HELL! 3 strikers, no Lennon. Never has worked never will. Come on the Spuds.
What have we here? I've seen that fella before. Serial Twit(terer) Darren Bent runs onto the pitch. I'm gonna go spastic if that fool scores today. No beach balls in sight just yet. Bit chilly for that nonsense!
Fabio Capello is at the game? That's strange...what with three of his potential WC strikers battling it out.
Mint! 1-0. Don't know who the scorer is yet. Don't really care - it'll be 5 by half-time! My best mate is a Black Cat - better get the wheels rolling on the Banter Bus...
Robbie Keane 'bundles in the rebound'. Why can the Irishman be prolific against s%& opposition, and go missing against the PL powerhouses. Was Rafa right to get rid of him? More on that later...
Predictions looking s$% hot so far! Marvellous! I can guess football scores, but when it comes to a small matter of predicting the numbers on seven plastic balls for £90 million, any instinct deserts me. Bottling it on the big stage - a direct correlation between mine and my club's forrtunes...banish the thought! Where's Derren Brown when you need him the most? 'I wonder who he supports' - answers on a postcard.
Mmmm! 6-1 to City against Burnley...see 3:19.
Planning a trip to Thailand atm - should I trust a bloke called Kris to organise my six-day rainforest tour? Sounds more X-factor wannabe than Thai culture guru...
Should have mentioned earlier - disappointed that Harry R gave Bentley the cold shoulder today. Can't get into the team even when Lennon and Modric are injured...good luck son!
Nice to see the lad O’Hara on target for Pompey. We could have done with some of his blood, sweat and tears last weekend at the Library. Get him back to the Lane, Harry. Better than that plank Jenas!
Having spent £600 on the flights, do I really want to be spending three days on the island of Krabbi or PeePee? Going from Bangkok to Krabbi. Nobody should be made to pay for that! Gay puns aside, Burnley are 2 up at Citeh – no wonder I struggled on the EuroMillions last night. Two British winners? Bet they’re not telling their mates in a hurry!
Heurelho Gomes – what a hero! After Andy Sausage Roll Reid slaps the post with a free-kick, the part-mercurial, part-calamitous Brazilian octopus man gets times his tentacular intervention just right – not once, but twice to keep the Spuds one up going into the break. Elsewhere three goals in three minutes, as Citeh start an almighty (not the first exaggeration) comeback against creaking Burnley and Bolton and Villa exchange blows in Brumland.
The Black Cats looking menacing against the Lilywhites, not a peep from Defoe or Crouch. The bespectacled Italian will not be amused! Off for the three Ss – you lads know what I mean!
Time to make a change – 1 up, but clearly not playing well! Possibly Bale on for Crouch, with Jenas moving to the right sight of midfield? We’ll see...
20 hours researching Thailand – holidays are supposed to be fun and relaxing L. I’ll apparently be in The Land of Smiles in January, I certainly won’t be there if Spurs reproduce that sort of performance in the second-half.
Come on BBC Sport! Unbeknown to like-minded Live Update refreshers, Gomes brings down The Twit (d’oh!), only to save the spot kick (woohoo!). Spurs living dangerously...
Redknapp must be tearing his hair out. The lads are getting a roasting by the visitors – should be 1-3 by now. Typical Spurs...grrr! (see 16:09)
Citeh back on level terms – don’t say you couldn’t see it coming! Hold on...make that 3-2 to the Arabs – I mean Mancs.
Defoe is on the pitch after all! Craig Gordon saves from the little whippet and ‘lies prostrate’ on the floor – bet he got out of the way when he saw a Thud coming his way!!!
Much needed change from ‘Arry. Krancjar for Keane. Should give the side more balance...still need that second. Gomes is a ticking time bomb – even if he can be sensational at times...
Payback time! All over Stoke and lost one-nil, I hope Sunderland can now appreciate what that pain feels like. And it’s Thuuuuuuuuuuuuud with a violent goal from 15 yards, with the ball crashing in off the bar. MASSIVE relief. Big confidence boost for the big man.
The EPL- you can’t beat it! Goals galore again today. Villa, out of nowhere have a third and fourth...and now a fifth! Ridiculous! Fantabulous! Blackburn have gone ahead against Portsmouth. Poor old Paul Hart!
Lost count of all of the goals. Burnley have proven me wrong today. There may be a bit more to ‘em.
Poor Sunderland...not! Despite being under the cosh for ages, Spurs have a clean sheet (somehow!) and 3 points. Swings and roundabouts, you gotta love 'em!
Good evening all!