NHL: So, I'm an Off Season Penguins Fan, What Do I Do Now?

This week, for the first time in over 8 months, hockey fans will awake each and every morning knowing that there is no hockey to be played around the NHL that night.

It can be a stunning feeling, but what do you do? Well, in all honesty, there's not much you can do.

This is the day in the life of an off season fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins...

6:50 AM- The alarm switches on, blaring "Purple Rain" directly into my ear. I hit the snooze button and fall back asleep.

6:53- I have one of those weird dreams that people have after they have woken up, but then fall back to sleep. I can see Gary Roberts. He is walking toward me, holding a bottle of FIJI Water. Bob Errey is commentating the whole thing... "Look at Scaaary Gaaary, look at the FIJI, he loves the FIJI water, Steigy."

6:54- I lift Mr. Roberts' water bottle to my mouth, only to be interrupted by that annoying beeping sound of my alarm clock after the snooze expires.

6:55- I drag myself out of bed, pat the WWGRD sign above my bedroom door, and head for the shower.

6:58- The water in the shower brings about some kind of fond memory, but I can't seem to put a handle on it. Doesn't that just bug the hell out of you?

7:05- I reach for a towel outside of the shower, and feel a tickle on my index finger. I pull it back inside the curtain and realize that it's a bug. A bug? A Bugsy? A Bugsy Malone. A Ryan Bugsy Malone.

7:06- I completely forget that I have to be at work in less than 25 minutes and my thoughts are consumed with the looming contract negotiation of Pittsburgh's own Ryan Malone.

7:10- I snap out of it, reluctantly settling with myself that Bugsy will never leave the 'Burgh.

7:11- As I'm brushing my teeth, I can't help but wonder who invented toothpaste. Maybe it was some crazy Russian dude. That just gets me thinking about Gino and Sarge. Maybe they're hitting the links together today. Maybe Malkin is doing some yard work for his landlord.

7:15- That "man, I gotta be at work in 15 minutes" feeling hits me and I realize that I have to get focused.

7:17- While eating a quick bowl of cereal, the Today Show is on the tube in my kitchen. Apparently people somewhere were protesting something. They showed the live crowd. The crowd, wielding their signs, suddenly began a chant when they realized they were on camera. "GO HOME F..." I rocketed out of my seat and finished the crowd's chant with a whooping "LYERS." Once I regained my wits, I realized that the crowd on TV was not a sea of 17,000 Penguin fans uniting in victory, but rather just a bunch of pissed off people. But, man did that feel good.

7:18- My dad comes up the basement steps and just looks at me like "why are you yelling at 7 in the morning, and why are you watching the Today Show?"

7:20- I jump in the car to head off to work. I'm running behind schedule, as usual, but a particular old-person-colored Buick is really holding me back.

7:24- I'm finally able to work my way around the Buick lady while doing my best Mike Lange impression by mouthing, "Get in the fast land, grandma, the bingo game's ready to roll," as I pass her.

7:31- I arrive at work, surprisingly only a minute late.

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