WWE Manual 2.0: Greg Bush's Idea of How To Run Raw Episode 5

GregCorrespondent INovember 6, 2009

LAS VEGAS - AUGUST 24:  Wrestlers and tag team partners Triple H (L) and Shawn Michaels pose during the WWE Monday Night Raw show at the Thomas & Mack Center August 24, 2009 in Las Vegas, Nevada.  (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Fresh off a night of Bragging Rights, Raw is here to add to the action. Tonight, Evan Bourne takes on Charlie Haas for the US title. But before that, Haas must take on D-X as he fights HHH with Shawn Michaels.

Also, Cena's title loss was caused by a devastating RKO from the Viper himself, Randy Orton. Cena wants revenge, and He'll get it, because tonight Cena and Kofi are taking on Orton and Swagger in tag team action.

Also, the new World Tag champions make an announcement.

(Fireworks go off)

King and Cole don't talk, because Franchise is in the middle of the ring.

Franchise: HAAS!! Come out here!

I can't win goes off and he comes in.

Haas: What's the prob Shane?

Franchise: Haas, tonight you get what you deserve. A complete ass beating from the two future legends HHH and Shawn Michaels. Afterwards... right afterwards, you will take on Evan Bourne for your US Title! Anything you want to say?

Haas: Well, Mr. Douglas... I don't have anything to say, but he does...

Mr. McMahon comes out.

McMahon: Shane, I think you were a great wrestler and doing a fantastic job, but Mr. Haas doesn't need this kind of punishment. In fact, I applaud him for what he did. Let him have his title match tonight, but D-X shouldn't get involved.

Franchise: But

McMahon: Is there a problem? Don't forget I write your paychecks. Now lets have a good Raw.

The crowd boos McMahon as Haas laughs histerically.

Cryme Tyme's announcement

Cryme Tyme comes down to the ring, wearing their belts over their shoulders. The crowd is screaming for their new champions.

Cryme Tyme: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo!

Shad: Yo!

JTG: Yo!

Cryme Tyme: YO!

JTG: Shadrick my good man. Twhat is that around your shoulder?

Shad: My good fellow, JTG, this would be a World Tag Team Title Belt!

JTG: Oh, my Lord, I seem to have one around my shoulder too!

Shad: Oh, maybe it's because we're the


JTG: And since we've gotten these we've been gettin that money money.

The crowd starts chanting "Yeah Yeah that money money, Yeah Yeah!"

Shad: Yeah homie, haha. Tonight we're here to celebrate, and name the #1 contenders!

JTG: The number one contenders...

???: Are us! According to the GM.

Two mysterious men wearing masks walk down.

???: Yeah, we were a formally franchised team. In fact, the team that Shane was talking to on the video.

King: Oh my God Cole!

Cole: Yes, I know. It's the Naturals!

The Naturals take off their masks.

Andy: I'm Andy Douglas, and that is Chase Stevens!

Chase: Look, we respect you two, but, the two of us think we deserve those titles. We're... naturally, the best here. We're naturally the best tag team in all of the WWE, and next week you'll see why. But until then...

Chase Stevens hits a flipping wheel kick on JTG and Andy Douglas lands a jumping neckbreaker on Shad! They both hold up the titles as their music goes off and we go back to the Franchise's office.

Franchise: Wow... not exactly what I expected those two to do... but if they think they can get the job done, whatever.

Big Show walks in.

Show: Mr. Douglas?

Franchise: Ah, call me Shane Show.

Show: Okay Shane. Listen man. I've been meaning to talk to you about our.. little deal?

Franchise: Ah, yes, I remember. But as you see, that title already has a number one contender right now. Let that rivalry cool down a bit and then take the championship. Until then, I'll have you go up against all of the top contenders.

Show: Hm, not exactly the plan. But okay. Who's first?

Franchise: A man who's young, but shows much promise. Someone that at one point thought he could take you down a peg. Someone you shold enjoy destroying.


Franchise: Just go down to the ring big guy. You won't be dissapointed.

Big Show vs. ???

Big Show goes down to the ring, the fans cheering at the newly face turned giant. He holds that giant boxing fist up and waits for the opponent. The Miz comes down to the ring. He looks worried. He comes down, holding his stomach like he's sick from the thought of having to take on the Big Show. Show just sits in the ring and laughs.

Miz gets in and tries to clothesline Big Show, but he just catches the Prince of Awesome and slams him right on his neck. He picks him up and drops him with his leg drop Guillotine. 1..2.. Show gets up. He puts Miz in the cobra clutch, then hits the back breaker. He picks up Miz and punches him right in the Jaw. Miz stumbles in a 360, right into Big Show's Chokeslam! 1..2..3! It's over.

King: You can keep counting and counting.

Cole: Basically. Show just hit Miz with every single big move he has.

King: I think he was going easy on him Michael. He doesn't even look like he broke a sweat.

Cole: I feel kinda bad for Miz. I know that's odd... but that was torturous. Just look at that replay.

(All they do is show the whole match in replay, without the breaks in between moves.)

Cole: Good Lord. His lights were out when he got dropped on his neck. Well, next up is Beth Pheonix vs Mickie James for the Women's Title.

Beth Pheonix vs. Mickie James (c): Women's Championship

Mickie comes down first. She dances around like usual, but you can see the champion has a little worry on her face. Beth follows her. She looks ready to walk out with the title. She waits outside the ring. The ref screams for her to get inside. She does, without her eyes ever breaking contact with Mickie. The bell rings and Beth spears Mickie.

Beth picks her up and throws her into the ropes. She's possessed with rage. She pounds on Mickie with intense sledge hammer like punches. Mickie falls outside of the ring, looking unconcious. Beth follows her out. She picks her up and slams Mickie's head right into the stairs. Mickie almost falls over, but Beth hits a neckbreaker on her before she hits the ground.

The ref's count is at 9. Beth gets in and out of the ring. She picks up Mickie, but Mickie retaliates with a huge hook, followed by a gut kick, then a toss into the guard rail. Beth gets back up but Mickie dropkicks her into them again. Mickie gets up on the apron. When Beth goes after her, she jumps off and hits a Mickie-ranna. Mickie puts Beth in and follows.

Mickie puts Beth in a Boston Crab, but Beth powers out. She gets up and almost dislocates Mickies shoulder with a running arm breaker. 1..2.. Mickie grabs the rope, in pain using that arm. Beth pulls her to the middle of the ring. She gets on the top rope, and hits an elbow on Mickies arm. The elbow hits the arm right on the dot. Mickie squirms in pain. Beth pulls her arm to the ropes and ties it to them. She twists it over and over again.

Beth lets go and rolls back in. Mickie tries to get up but Beth kicks her shoulder. Beth picks Mickie up and puts her in the corner. She wraps both her arms in the ropes. She jumps over the ropes and pulls on the injured arm as she falls down. Mickie falls onto the mat unable to move her shoulder. Beth gets back in and sets up for the Chicken Wing Facebuster. She puts her in it but Mickie rolls her up. 1..2.. Beth kicks out. They run at eachother and collide.


The ref's count is at eight when we come back. We see a replay of Mickie setting up a superplex. Beth tried to stop her, but Mickie turned it into a Super-Mickie-Ranna. She went for a pin but didn't get it. Back in reality, Beth gets up first. She goes over to Mickie, but she was playing possum, and rolls her ankle into some type of ankle lock. She doesn't even tease the twist. She just twists the ankle as hard as she can. Beth screams and it looks like she's passed out.

The ref picks up her arm, and Beth throws her leg so that Mickie runs right into the corner. She hits her shoulder on the pole. Beth sets up the CWF and hits it! 1..2..3! Beth Pheonix is the new Women's Champion!

King: Wow, Beth was out to not only beat Mickie James, but to hurt her.

Cole: I think she did the trick King. Mickie can't even move her arm. Beth set out to damage Mickie for life, and I think that happened. The gold was just extra to her.

Beth has a crazed look on her face as we head backstage.

John Cena is in his locker room, watching the replay of Bragging Rights:

Cena: Damn that Orton! Damn it. I almost had Swagger!

Kofi comes in.

Kofi: Yeah, you almost had Swagger. Orton didn't want that though. That's something you have to live with. Anyways. This should be the last part of the rivalry right? At Survivor Series, the word going around is that you two are fighting in a Last Man Standing match.

Cena: Yeah, I'm making sure he never walks again...

Kofi: Well, that's great Cena, but tonight, we've got a match against Orton and Swagger. Maybe tonight you can get payback on both of them.

Cena: Yeah, you're right. I need to focus on tonight.

Kofi: Yeah, listen we got time to discuss a plan. I've got some ideas.

The camera fades to the ring as Lillian Garcia is in the ring.

Charlie Haas(c) vs Evan Bourne: US Championship

Lillian: This contest is scheduled for one-fall and it is for the United States Championship! Making his way to the ring, the current US Champion, Charlie Haas!

Charlie Haas walks down with the whole crowd booing him. When he gets in, he looks at Lillian and winks, hinting at their past relationship. Lillian gags.

Lillian: And his opponent (The crowd goes crazy) the #1 contender, the Air-born Aristotle, Evan Bourne!

Evan Bourne comes down to the ring swinging a rally towel. He has on a leg brace on his left leg, but he's still running and jumping like nothing happened. He gets in the ring and stares down Charlie. The match begins and Evan starts off with some kind of jumping karate kick. Haas ducks, but Evan spins on the ground and kicks him twice in the head. He springboards back to his feet. He runs behind Charlie and springboards off the ropes into a leg drop facebuster while Haas is still bent over. 1..2..Haas kicks out.

King: Wow! Evan never seases to amaze me Michael. I mean that was amazing!

Cole: Evan Bourne always has great, unsuspecting offense.

King: Hopefully it's unpredictable enough to win him the title tonight!

Evan waits for Haas to regain his footing. When he does, Evan jumps on him with a running hurricanrana. Haas is thrown into the ropes. Evan jumps up on the turnbuckle then jumps off with a dropkick. Haas is knocked into the ring with velocity, while Evan crashes and burns. He lands on the apron and falls onto the ground. Both men are affected by that. Evan slowly gets back in. He walks over to a standing Haas, but Haas retaliates with a jab.

He follows that with another jab, and another, then a right hook. He goes for a running clothesline off the ropes, but Evan connects with a moonsault flip kick. Haas stays on his feet, although looking like he just caught amnesia. He stumbles around, and stumbles right into a jumping swinging DDT from Evan. Evan picks him up and suplexes him. He screams at the crowd and looks at Haas. He hits a Standing Shooting Star Splash. 1..2..Haas kicks out.

Evan goes up top and signals for the Air Bourne. When he looks back down at Haas, he's jumped up to Evan and hits a T-Bone Exploder suplex off the top rope! Evan is out cold. 1..2..3! Haas retains! Haas takes his belt and bows at the crowd. He then looks at Evan and puts him in the Haas of Pain! Evan is screaming, but no one can help him. He holds it for about 30 seconds, and then lets go of the hold.

Cole: Damn it! He got the win in an amazing match! Why can't he just let it go? Is his ego that bad?

King: He wants to prove to Evan that he's better than him in every way, and that includes adding injury to injury.

Shawn Michaels w/ Triple H vs. Chris Masters

D-X comes out together with the crowd "a pumpin!" They do all the signature chops and motions, and Hunter takes a mic.

HHH: Tonight, we take a break from tag team hazing and take on one of the top dog jackasses.

HBK: Tonight, we don't do that. I DO! (Shawn is smiling so innocently)

HHH: Yeah Yeah Yeah, don't brag Shawny. Listen, tonight you take on Masters. I'll be on commentary with Mr. Lawler and Mrs. Cole.

Cole: Hey!

HHH: Can you be a good boy Shawn?

HBK: Oh!! Yes yes yes yes yes! I'll be good Hunter I'll be really good!

HHH: Okay Shawny. I'll be right there. If I don't see any shenanigans or crazy antics, I'm coming in. Is that clear?

HBK: Okay!

HHH: Okay, now get ready to beat the Hell out of the Master Suck.

HBK: And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya!

Crowd: SUCKIT!!!!!!

Masters comes out, angry. Obviously, he's not being taken very seriously. He doesn't even pose. He runs straight to the ring and takes on the Showstopper. He tries to clothesline HBK, but he ducks. Shawn runs off the ropes and runs right to Masters. Masters tries to clothesline him, but Shawn ducks and gets around the big fella. He then dead legs Chris (a childish antic.) and he holds his thigh. Shawn thenpushes Masters foward and sticks his leg out so he trips. He lands right on his face.

King: So, what's with all this goofing around Hunter?

HHH: Well King, everyone's too serious around here. We wanna take us out of the PG era, because it sucks, but we wanna do it while having a few laughs. And why not do that by making Chris Masters our ***** (The censors catch Hunter)?

HBK holds his shirt out like he's a matador and Masters is the bull. It works. Masters runs at Michaels and he rolls out the way. Masters head hits an uncovered turnbuckle. He falls down like he was knocked out. Shawn hits a knee drop.

Cole: Wow, a serious move from the Icon?

HHH: We take our ob seriously too Cole, just with a little bit of fun.

Shawn does a childish pose of Master's taunt. He looks like he's going to try the Master Lock. Masters gets up and Shawn gets it in. He has it for about five seconds before Masters throws him over his shoulders and hits three elbow drops. He follows with a jumping boot press on Michaels' chest. HBK is gasping for air. Masters goes up top. He hits a falling knife-elbow drop right down the middle of his chest. 1..2.. Michaels gets out.

Masters picks up Shawn and puts him in a half nelson hold. He drops Michaels on the back of his head. Shawn rolls back into the corner. Masters runs at him again and actually connects with the corner clothesline. 1..2..HBK grabs the ropes. Masters sets up for the Master Lock and HHH goes over to Shawn. You can make out the words that he says.

HHH: Shawn, what did I say?

Shawn shakes his head. Masters tries to put him in the lock, but Shawn shakes out and slaps him in the back of the neck, and his head. Shawn kicks Masters in the back of the knee and he falls down. Shawn slaps him in the back over and over again. It makes red marks all over his back. He walks up front and pulls off some actual chops on Masters. He throws Masters into the ropes and when he comes back Shawn hits a reverse atomic drop.

Masters punches Shawn. Shawn holds his face and looks at Masters like he's upset. He hits him back three times, and drops him with a body slam. He goes up top and hits the Elbow Drop! Shawn tunes up the band! !....!....!....!....!....! Shawn waits for the perfect moment and hits the Sweet Chin Music right on Masters! HHH throws in some green spray cans and Shawn sprays Masters head and feet. Then he covers him. 1..2..3! Shawn covers the rest of Masters body in green paint.

HHH and Shawn do the chops as the D-X pyro goes off.


King: Finally! The Main Event has arrived!

Cole: John Cena lost the title to Jack Swagger last night because of an interference from Randy Orton. Kofi Kingston, the #2 contender at that time, offered Cena his help tonight in taking on the All American-American and the Viper.

King: Hopefully they can pull off a win. I have a hunch that Cena doesn't like Kofi taking his spot.

John Cena and Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton and Jack Swagger w/ Legacy

Legacy comes out first (Orton, Rhodes, Dibiase.) They walk inside the ring and have intense looks on their faces. Swagger comes out next, extatic to be the WWE Champion. He's just jumping around and taking in all the glory. He gets in and Legacy stares them down.

Cena comes down next and runs right up to the ring. He stands right outside the ring and waits for the new star of the WWE. Kofi Kingston comes down with fireworks going off everywhere. He comes downin a new jacket that says "Future Champion of Paradise". He heads down to the ring with Cena. They look at eachother, nod, and run into the ring. They take out everyonoe. Kofi dropkicks both Rhodes and Swagger. One foot hits each. Cena shoulder blocks Dibiase out of the ring and spears Orton.

Cena pounds on Orton while Kofi does the same to Swagger. The bell rings in the middle of this. They throw Orton and Swagger right into eachother. Orton rolls out, and Kofi lets Cena handle this part first. Swagger holds his nose, which is bleeding from the dropkick. He tries to take Cena down, but Cena picks him up and suplexes him. He covers. 1..2..Swagger kicks out. Cena picks him up and throws four strong lefts and a powerful right hand that knocks Swagger to his knees.

Cena DDT's Swagger. He pulls him over to Kofi and tags him in. Cena sets Swagger up in a complete shot and kofi dropkicks Cena, adding momentum to Swagger's face smashing the canvas. Kofi springboards a body splash. 1..2.. Swagger kicks out. Swagger gets up but Kofi arm drags him. Again and again he does this. Finally he chops Swagger. He throws him into the ropes. Swagger runs back and Kofi jumps, then he ducks. He goes for Trouble in Paradise, but Swagger holds onto the ropes and tags in Orton.

Orton comes in and the two walk around the ring. Kofi makes the first move, applying a headlock to the former Legend Killer, but Orton turns it into a back drop.  Orton gets up and stomps all over Kofi. He walks over to Cena and slaps the taste out of his mouth. When he turns around, Kofi hits him with a flying cross body knee attack. Orton falls over. Kofi puts him in the corner. He jumps on top of Orton and pounds. He gets about three off before Orton powerbombs Kofi.

He gets halfway to the corner before he falls over. They both get back up, and Kofi attacks Orton. Orton retaliates by throwing him into his coner and tags Swagger. He holds Kofi and Swagger hits him in the gut. He stays on him and the ref pulls him off. While the ref is distracted, Orton rakes the eyes and chokes the Jamaican Buzzsaw. Swagger goes back over and punches Kofi in the face.

He sinks to the bottom of the corner. Swagger runs across the ring and back, droping his boot right into the face of Kofi. He tags in Orton, who jumps over the ropes and dropkicks Kofi's still sitting body right in the gut. He stomps Kofi over and over, and pushes his knee into Kofi's face. The ref pulls him off, and Legacy attacks the unguarded Kingston. Orton tags in Swagger. Swagger laughs and screams at Kofi. Orton tells Swagger to stay on him, but he doesn't listen.

Swagger keeps screaming and even slaps Kofi. Kofi stands up and walks over to Swagger, who's back is to his challenger. Kofi's dreads are dangling in front of his face, as his anger is building. When Swagger turns around, Kofi hits an SOS on him. 1..2.. Swagger kicks out. He's surprised at the powe that was put into the SOS. Kofi tags Cena. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle while Kofi hits the Leg Drop. 1..2..Swagger breaks out of it.

Cena waits for Swagger, and he goes for the F-U, but Orton runs in. Kofi does too and hits the Trouble in Paradise on Orton, while Cena piles Orton on top of Swagger. He   F-U's both of the men. Orton rolls out. Cena tags in Kofi. He holds up Swagger until he realizes what's about to happen. He throws Swagger into the Trouble in Paradise. 1..2..3! Kofi and Cena win! Their holding eachother's hands up. Legacy tries to take out the winners, but they toss them onto Swagger and Orton. As they celebrate, the camera fades out.

This has been a Bushboy Inc. Production


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