From the Archives: Vinny Testaverde Calls Press Conference (Humor)

Hey Football Fiends!

Did you catch my USC Trojans’ defensive performance on Halloween? You didn’t? Funny, NEITHER DID I. NO TACKLES. NO TACKLES. *&^$^%&%&^%@^&*&(()_ 

Sorry, apparently I am still twitchy over that 47-20 loss.

Remember back in 2007 when Jake Delhomme went down with injury and David Carr’s glove love wasn’t doing it for the Panthers? John Fox went out and signed a fresh prospect, a Heisman Trophy winner…from 1986.

Vinny Testaverde put aside his AARP materials to don the Panther Blue. I was greatly amused by this turn of events. Today in "From the Archives" we take a look at a “press conference” Vinny called to alert the citizens of North Carolina of his arrival.

Phoenix, Arizona—October 13, 2007—Undisclosed Hotel of the Carolina Panthers

Veteran quarterback Vinny Testeverde recently signed a one-year contract with the Carolina Panthers to shore up their QB situation with Jake Delhomme and David Carr injured. Testaverde called a late-night press conference to address rumors of his AARP eligibility first spread by sportswriter Amy the Gridiron Goddess in her October 12th appearance on Los Angeles radio station KROQ’s Kevin and Bean show.

Full transcript of Testaverde’s speech follows below:

Testaverde: “Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, thanks for coming out and indulging me at this late hour. I just have a few things I need to get off my chest.”

Testaverde then pulled a CD player out from the podium and hit play. As the familiar sound of Bon Jovi’s hit song “It’s My Life” began to play, Vinny grabbed the microphone and moved out in front of the podium. The press was puzzled and intrigued. What was this aging, wily QB from Brooklyn up to? And why was he wearing leather pants?

Testaverde: “This ain’t a start I don’t deserve
No silent prayer for the injured reserve
I ain’t gonna be just a guy on the sidelines
You’re gonna hear the fans shout
When I cross the goal line

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Marino and Favre who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own plays

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, hell, don’t back down

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game.

-Your Gridiron Goddess