He is a man of simple taste. He enjoys safety blitzes, the Oregon spread-option attack, and the colors green and yellow. He prides himself on being the most fanatic, intimidating, and downright terrifying force in Autzen stadium. He makes visiting players, well, to be honest, piss themselves.
No, I am not talking about the Most Interesting Man in the World from those ever so popular Dos Equis commercials. Instead, I am describing a man who wears nothing but a skin-tight neon green spandex suit no matter the weather, the man who helps make the Autzen Zoo the Autzen Zoo, and the man who is the Duck football fan equivalent of Superman and Clark Kent.
Indeed, I am speaking of the one, the only, Oregon Green Dude.
You’ve all seen him by now. It would be hard not to. I mean, he is wearing a neon green spandex green suit. And I’m sure you have all wondered, “who is he”? Who this unmistakably stunning man hiding behind such a mysterious and attractive persona?
Unfortunately, I am not here to reveal the name of the man beneath the suit. Instead, I am here to tell his story. A story of how one modest episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia changed the course of one University of Oregon student’s life, and possibly the entire football season. Settle in, sports fans. Read close, for this is a story you may very well end up re-telling to your grandchildren (OK, maybe not…unless you’re the Green Dude).
It is no coincidence that the first time the Oregon Green Dude dawned his new suit, the Ducks “upset” the California Golden Bears 42-3. In fact, you could even say it was fate.
Although the students who reside in Autzen stadium are collectively the craziest in the country, there was something missing during the first three games of the season. I wouldn’t say noise, or passion, or even good old fashion heckling. They were missing an identity.
And on Sept. 25, thanks to a seldom great idea from a Beaver fan, the suit was born.
By the time the Oregon Green Dude came within eyesight of Autzen stadium that sunny Saturday afternoon, he had already become a huge hit with the other fans.
“Right away people were asking for pictures and everything,” the nameless one said. “I definitely didn't expect people to find it so cool and ask for pictures, hugs, and high fives and all that right.”
How can you blame them?
“Thus the green dude was born.”
So what is life like as the Oregon Green Dude? Well, it would be a lot easier if there were more phone booth’s on campus, that’s for sure.
“The suit really reveals nothing but my physique,” the mystery man says with a wry smile.
Fortunately, he hasn’t yet come across any clever, conniving, and cunning students who have tried to divulge his true identity.
“Haha, no, not yet. That would be interesting,” ponders the Green Dude. “I live away from campus, so normally it’s a car ride home. I would say if anybody goes through the work to follow me home, and are nice about, then they deserve to know.”
That isn’t an invitation to stalk the man–although it’s been hard for many to restrain their curiosity, especially middle-aged women (read: cougars).
“Up in Seattle a couple of hot Husky moms asked for a picture, but they ended up wanting more than just a snapshot. They were intrigued by my downstairs region.”
And for good reason.
What does the Green Dude wear under his suit?
“Nothing. It would look weird. Clothes would get all crumpled up and stuff.”
I guess women really do love a man in uniform, because the suit has proven to be a real aphrodisiac.
“I was fooling around with a certain lady friend and she wanted the green suit on, so I had to oblige, just for a minute or two. It was weird, it just didn’t really work.”
So what is the lesson behind the Oregon Green Dude? No, it isn’t, “don’t be afraid to take advice from a Beaver fan”.
The truth is, it’s all about being the best fan you can be—no matter how bad it smells under that suit.
“A good antiperspirant is a must.”
Autzen Stadium is home to several other super fans, but could there ever be a bigger fanatic than the Oregon Green Dude?
“I would say I’m a pretty hard character to copy. I’m a little bit of Spider Man, mixed with a little bit of Puddles, add some Brad Pitt, and some Jim carry... and you (the UO Sports Dude) might be close.”
I could not imagine a higher compliment.