Hey Joe Friday, Have Another Beer: Stupidity of the Average Fan

Matthew IrbySenior Analyst IJune 9, 2008

Now first of all, this article is not meant to personally attack anyone or sound like I'm ranting about all the fans that attend games. This might be way off.

I know that all fans are different, and that fans even differ within the same cities. This is just an observation made by a fan that enjoys going to baseball, football, basketball, and hockey games to see the sporting event and live-up the experience.

But with that comes the fan that simply wants to be there to spend $50 on beers, yell obscene words towards the athletes, and attempt to pick fights with visiting teams' fans.

I recently went to a Texas Rangers game, where my girlfriend and I sat behind six of the dumbest fans ever, who got even dumber by the beer.

All night my girlfriend restrained me from speaking and forced me to bite my lips, after comments that simply didn't make sense.

"The Rangers can't win in the future, they have the worst farming system in baseball."

"Tom Hicks needs to go out and buy Alex Rodriguez, Johan Santana, Josh Beckett, and three other pitchers that will only win games."

And my favorite was, "The Rangers need to fire Ron Washington and hire Bill Parcells to coach the team."


Just to answer your comments if you guys ever read this: One, the Rangers have one of the best farm systems in all of baseball.  Two, if there are fields like in the movie The Matrix that grow Hall of Fame pitchers then yes we should go pick some, but that doesn't exist. Third, are you freaking kidding me? That Parcells comment doesn't even deserve my breath.

The best ones are when an umpire makes a call, an easy call to make, and the fans boo and whistle. Shut up, it was the right call, our guy just needs to swing the bat.

I understand baseball can be slow, I truly do, but don't start the wave in the bottom of the first inning. And I absolute hate when fans start booing an intentional walk to a guy that has already bombed two home runs.

Hey, Joe Friday. Have another beer, sit down, and shut up.

And this is not just baseball!

I go to Mavericks basketball games, and at least this sport is fast enough so that the average fan doesn't have a clue what's going on. The only thing they want is for their team to "just shoot the ball in the hoop" and the other team should never be able to make a shot. If this doesn't happen enough for them they boo.

Hey, Joe Friday. Have another beer, sit down, and shut up.

Every year I get to go to a couple of Stars games, now I know us Texans don't know hockey like you Canadians, and I will never argue that. At Stars games, people come that also go to Mavs games, and they don't understand why the score is so low. All they want is a fight? Then go to minor league hockey in the 70s and watch your fighting, back when you went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

Hey, Joe Friday. Have another beer, sit down, and shut up.

Brings me to football. Now here I got the leg-up on all you Canadians, I live in Dallas, home of America's team, home of the greatest football franchise ever...BULLS***!

Cowboy fans do, however, take the cake in beer consumption, followed by mindless banter about how the team this year will go 16-0 and Tony Romo will pass for 5,000 and marry Jessica Simpson.

When you talk about football being king in Texas, sorry 'Boys fans, it ain't referring to pro, it's referring to high school.

And this is not just Cowboy fans, this is all of the NFL fans. They don't understand and can't conceive any possibility except that their team is going to win, everytime. So when this doesn't happen, bring on more beer, more cheerleaders, and throw your empty beer bottle at the coach. 

Hey, Joe Friday. Have another beer, sit down, and shut up.

I'm only going to harp on the four major sports, but I'm sure that this happens in every other sport. Fans believe that since they have paid their fee, it gives them the right to do whatever they feel they can do.

Wrong. You're wrong. You don't have the right to act like a complete idiot, and if you're going to express your opinion about your team, or enlighten all of us with your knowledge of the game, at least put your beer down before everyone starts laughing at you. Just call in your opinion to the local sports radio talk show. Those guys are great at dealing with you and your wealth of knowledge.

So in closing, hey, Joe Friday. Have another beer, sit down, and SHUT UP!