Chuck Hayes Leads Houston Rockets in Colossal Utah Romp? Believe It

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When it came to the Houston Rockets winning prospects in Salt Lake City Monday night, I was not amongst the massive crowd of non-believers.

I was at the gravesite shoveling the dirt over Aaron Brooks, Chuck Hayes, Luis Scola, and Rick Adelman.

When several friends asked if the Rockets had any chance at Energy Solutions Arena, I said "no" as emphatically as Charles Barkley says "yes" to Krispy Kremes.

Barkley, in case you missed it, thinks these Rockets will finish with the worst record in the West.

Fellow Bleacher Report NBA writer Andrew Ungvari opined they "would be lucky to finish 12th" in the conference.

Sports Illustrated's Ian Thomsen predicted the same fourth-to-last finish.

For one night, I was ready to bury them, too.

I guaranteed my inquisitive friends the team would lose by double figures. They had dropped 11 of the previous 13 contests there, many of those defeats by 10 or more points, and Energy Solutions Arena had always served as the franchise's House of 1,000 Corpses.

Like Rob Zombie films, Rockets games in Utah usually end in gruesome fashion.

If they could not steal one in the Jazz's haunts with a healthy Yao Ming and Ron Artest, how were they going to do it with a cast of role players and such low expectations?

Hayes. That's how. Scola's relentless work on the boards and in the paint. That's how.

Precision long-distance shooting from Aaron Brooks and Trevor Ariza. That's how.

The throng of Rockets shooters dropped smart bombs in the NBA's toughest environment and fist-pumped and snickered as Jazz fans tried to escape the rubble.

There is no such thing as a Utah Jazz team not tough to beat at home.

The squad could lose 11 road games in a row by 30 points, with Kermit the Frog at point guard and Beavis and Butthead at center and power forward, and most opponents would still be in for the asskicking of their lives.

Winning in Utah is like beating Bobby Fischer at chess or scoring higher on a linguistics test than Noam Chomsky.

The Los Angeles Lakers ousted the Jazz from the playoffs two years in a row and reached consecutive NBA Finals, finishing the job this spring.

The San Antonio Spurs bested the Jazz en route to a 2007 title.

Only the strong survive at ESA, with the above championship runs serving as proof.

Rockets fans should celebrate this improbable and momentous win, even if the Jazz at times look more defenseless than the French in World War II and more dysfunctional than the Partridge Family.

Yes, the lowly Golden State Warriors won in Utah last year, but that was an anomaly.

This victory was no accident or coincidence. The Rockets are going to do this to a lot of teams with superior talent.

Yes, Houston Chronicle columnist Jerome Solomon, sometimes contenders do take the night off when they assume the foe will be easier to kill than Kenny on South Park .

Before I could half-fill the grave, before the tombstone had arrived, there was the stoic Hayes, whacking me over the head with the shovel.

Sorry fellas. It won't happen again.

Hayes did not the lead the Rockets in scoring, though he poured in an effortless 12 points, nor was he the best rebounder. Scola hauled down 15 boards to Hayes's nine.

In 28 minutes, however, he led the team in effort and in steals, with three.

No one needs to crash the euphoria with the obvious caveats.

The Rockets won't shoot 10-of-19 from behind the arc often enough to win more of these tough road contests.

Yep.

Got it.

Thanks.

Brooks cannot be expected to maintain his averages of 21 points and eight assists, higher than those of the player to which he is most often compared in Tony Parker.

Roger that.

Kyle Lowry and Brooks will not win every point guard duel with Deron Williams.

Uh-huh.

A 3-1 start in the first week guarantees nothing, not even a finish higher than 12th.

Super.

To those skeptical of the team's ability to challenge for a playoff spot, this win should change your mind.

If it doesn't, you might want to get that head checked.

You might have dementia. You might be insane.

The road to the playoffs has just begun for sure.

Oklahoma City started 2-0 and the LA Clippers appear more competitive than last season, even with top pick Blake Griffin on the shelf.

Phoenix

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