Arkansas Razorbacks Look To Pluck South Carolina Gamecocks

Roger GowensCorrespondent INovember 2, 2009

GAINESVILLE, FL - OCTOBER 17: Running back Broderick Green #29  of the Arkansas Razorbacks rushes upfield against the Florida Gators October 17, 2009 at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in Gainesville, Florida.  (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

For the second consecutive week, the Arkansas Razorbacks play against a team named for a bird. Last week's Eastern Michigan Eagles were grounded for 39 total yards and no first downs in the first half.

As I wrote in an earlier article, Eastern Michigan, now 0-8 for the 2009 season, might be more appropriately named the Emus for the Australian flightless bird.

EMU head coach Ron English seems like the emu's ostrich cousins, known for having their heads stuck in the sand.

The EMU's first-year head man reminds me of the Kelly McGillis quote to Harrison Ford in the 80s film, Witness. "Be careful among the English," the Amish maiden told the hardened Philadelphia detective.

Ron English in his postgame interviews was quoted in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette as saying the Arkansas squad was "all right" after the Hogs rolled to a 42-0 lead at half. 

The EMU head coach must have been who the French soldier in Monty Python and the Holy Grail was referring to when he called his foe a "silly English donkey-bottom."

English, in spite of all the Boston Mountains of evidence to the contrary, contended that EMU's issue was blown assignments, not the Hogs.

"What they're going to see on the tape is how many times did you get outathleted?" English said, apparently with a straight face. Broderick Green, Arkansas' 248-pound running back left EMU defenders in the dust on his UA record 99-yard run, outrunning all but one Eagle defensive back.

Green took the one EMU defender's best shot at the 40-yard line, shrugging him off like a subway commuter fighting off Borat.

If Ron English didn't see his team getting "outathleted" time and time again, he must have been on the sidelines having "tea and strumpets" with Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) of Dumb and Dumber fame.

As for this week's birds, the South Carolina Gamecocks led by the Ol' Ball Coach, the Gamehens are coming off a 31-13 loss to Tennessee. That's a funny way to get revenge after Darth Visor publicly fumed over comments by Lane Kiffin in the offseason.

Kiffin was reported to have told a recruit that if the young prospect went to South Carolina, he would end up "pumping gas" once his eligibility was used up. I guess young Kiffin hasn't bought gas in awhile.

Anyway, after late season swoons have become a trademark for Spurious' Thunder Chicken teams, South Carolina will be trying to reverse the "Chicken Curse."

It is a very important game for the Hogs to try to establish more of a homefield advantage at Fayetteville and to get closer to bowl eligiblity.

There's no word on whether South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson or Gov. Mark Sanford will be in attendance, what with all their Appalachian hiking trips and Presidential heckling to do.

Gamecock defensive coordinator Ellis Johnson and Lorenzo Ward abruptly left UA the last two years to land in Columbia right before national signing day, providing Bobby Petrino with a little extra incentive.

I suppose Johnson and Ward didn't have offers from the new Arkansas Lottery Commission like seemingly everyone else in South Carolina.

One thing is for certain: if the Hogs want a decent bowl destination, this is a must win game. A loss would leave the Hogs at 4-5 with SEC games against much improved Mississippi State and at LSU, along with a decent Troy State team left on the slate.

Hopefully, chicken is on the menu for Saturday, not pork.