An Exclusive Interview with Cedric Benson
Cedric Benson has had some legal troubles this off season (to put it lightly). He has also been labeled as an underachieving bust who is about to lose his job to rookie Matt Forte.
But Benson came into camp about 10 pounds lighter, faster, and apparently ready to keep the starting job.
I was lucky enough to catch up to Cap'n Cedric late one night outside of a nightclub.
Note: The following interview is grainy, as it was taken on a cell phone video camera and Cedric was a little less than cooperative.
Joe: Cedric, you came into camp looking ready for a position battle, how did you lose the weight?
Cedric: Well, when you tipsy all da time, u get ta heavin' and it starts to add up.
Joe: Interesting, would you recommend this strategy for other aspiring football players?
Cedric: Not jus' football players, but anybody looking to lose weight...especially my girlfriend.
(Cedric receives a nasty look from a woman who is apparently his girlfriend.)
Cedric: You see dem love handles baby; get to heavin'.
Joe: Truly a loving relationship...anywhoo, what really went down on your boating incident?
Cedric: Me and my bro bro Matt Lienart were gettin drunk wit some baaaaaaaabes and he fell off da boat. That's why da police was there. They needed to get Matt; it was all a cover-up.
Joe: Wow, is that the alcohol talking or is that what really happened?
Cedric: What alco—(goes off into incoherent rambling)
Joe: It seems like you are a little tipsy. Do you think your girlfriend should drive you home? She seems like she hasn't drank at all.
Cedric: (laughs heartily) If I can captain a boat, I can drive a (expletive) car, now I gotta go.
Joe: WAIT! One more question: Do you think you can keep the starting job this season?
Cedric: Did I ever tell you I love you? Listen buddy, I gotta go, the cops needed pepper spray to keep off da hurricane, and you're just a little boy, so you betta get out of my way.
Cedric speeds off as I barely jump out of the way of the car in time.
Apparently, soon after my interview, Cedric was pulled over for drunk driving. And to think, I might have saved his job.
I'm Joe W.
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