Top 10 Halloween Ideas for Your Terrell Owens Jersey

You have only three days left to plan this year's costume for all of those Halloween bashes that you want to attend. You live in Western New York, so as is your birth rite you live, sleep and eat Buffalo sports.

As a die-hard Bills fans, you weren't crazy about forking over eighty bucks for your "Terrell Owens 50th Anniversary Throw Back Jersey",  because let's face it, times are tough now. But when you saw how the city had opened up their arms to the traveling circus that is Terrell Owens, you decided you didn't want to be left out in the cold, so you forked over the dough.

All of that media attention, it is understandable that you got swept away with the T.O. charm, appeal and that winning smile. He was going to lead the Bills to the promised land, the playoffs. You could just imagine all of those ESPN highlights, Owens scoring one touchdown after another.

Eight weeks later, and it is time to put your Bills gear on and head over to Orchard Park for the game, you hesitate when you come upon the Owens jersey, because you hate to be looked at like a sucker. The City of Buffalo look like suckers, since they gave Terrell Owens a key to the city.

Terrell Owens has been reduced now to an afterthought in the Bills offense. More like a role player than a front line all-pro wide receiver.

So as we approach the Texans game this Sunday, seven games in to the 2009 season, Terrell has scored one touchdown. One lousy measly touchdown against Tampa Bay in week two.

That seems like a distant memory now. The Bills paid six million dollars for this? After seven games, T.O. has tallied for the year 18 catches for a total of 242 yards. Pretty underwhelming totals.

Terrell tries for some pass catches when he feels like it. His reflexes appear to have slowed dramatically. Must be hard to extend your arms when your wallet is that fat.

He couldn't catch Trent Edwards passes. Ryan Fitzpatrick appears to throw passes that are too fast for T.O. to get his hands up to the ball. Maybe the problem is that we need to find a left handed passer like Steve Young?

T.O.'s hands have turned to stone. He doesn't block very well or very often. Must be afraid he will get hurt and there is another contract supposedly awaiting him when he shuffles out of Buffalo.

If you feel embarrassed about wearing your T.O. jersey on Sunday, you aren't alone. The question is what should you do with it? That is why this article was created, to generate some practical T.O. jersey ideas that make sense and so that you can still get some value or bang for your bucks.

So, without further adieu, here are my top ten T.O. jersey ideas :

10) Sew up the holes in the arms, it might make for a good sack for the kids to collect their candy when they go out trick or treating.

9) Turn the jersey in to a flag. It will blow in the wind during the harsh winter. You know, kind of like how somebody's mouth does about being the greatest.

8) If your jersey is the mesh variety, you could use it as a pasta strainer to pour the water out after the spaghetti is ready.

7) Strip off all the numbers and Bills insignias, so you can turn it in to a ghost costume. It has already been getting used to generating lots of boos already.

6) You can use your T.O. jersey as a philosophy book cover. Ideal for when you are in the mood for deep thinking, just like T.O. does when he sits alone on the bench deep in thought, while the rest of the team is standing on the sidelines offering encouragement.

5) Wear the jersey, strap on a guitar and throw on a wig. You are now Chrissie Hynde, lead singer of "The Pretenders".

4) Turn the jersey in to a mask, ala The Unknown Comic. Then you could become The Unknown Receiver.

3) Adorn the jersey with some fading stars, or attach them to some batteries that are almost out of juice. You can then tell everyone that you are a burnt out super nova, or a flaming star that will burn out shortly.

2) You could use the jersey as a special insert lining for your shoes, just to make sure you don't get a nasty case of turf toe. For those with a shorter memory span, this is why Terrell sat out most of the preseason games.

1) The top jersey idea: You could always just wear the jersey and pretend you are a football player, you know, just like how Terrell Owens does now. That would at least be good for a laugh or two.

Other T.O. Jersey Ideas that failed to crack the Top 10 list:

If you bought the dark blue jersey, you could use it to wipe off the buffalo hot sauce after your chicken wings. The white jersey could probably work, but then you have to throw it away after one use, like an expensive napkin.

Grab a stick, run it through the jersey and now you have a ready made suitcase for your clothes, hobo style. Ideal for when you want to slink your way out of town in the middle of the night, or at the end of the season.

Cut out the stomach of the jersey, drop down at someone's front door and do twenty sit-ups. When they ask what you're doing, just tell them you're T.O., when people actually cared about you. You could even involve your buddies and have a friend with a video camera as your sidekick filming you.

If you are in to fishing, you can use it to display all your fishing lures and tackle. Please make sure you have located a hungry school of fish in the immediate area, because then the jersey will have actually been useful in catching something.

If we can get enough T.O. jerseys together, we can turn them in to a useful community hammock so you can get some rest, like T.O. does when he is isn't the focal point for a specific play, which is most of them.

We can't forget about T.O's Cereal

Maybe instead of passing out candy at Halloween you can give out cereal boxes of T.O's. They probably have not been flying off the shelves lately, so if they are on sale, pick some up cheap. Cereal would be a healthier snack, so the trick and treaters mom's will appreciate that.

It's easy to pile on T.O. now, but that wasn't what I envisioned when he signed on to join the Bills. He was a player I enjoyed watching for his skills, size and speed. Sadly those days appear to be a distant memory.

Terrell, if you have anything left in your tank, we would kindly request that you start earning your salary, and starting this Sunday is as good as time as any. That would make me happy T.O.

Do Bills fans have any other useful ideas for what you would recommend doing with your T.O. jersey? Tasteful and creative ideas are highly recommended and desired.