Look Out Hollywood: Bills Cut Owens (Humor)

Steve HartlineCorrespondent IOctober 23, 2009

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - OCTOBER 18: Terrell Owens #81 of the Buffalo Bills stands on the sideline during the game against the New York Jets on October 18, 2009 at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Jared Wickerham/Getty Images)

(All quotes in this article are fictional)


Buffalo, New York. 

Citing finance restructuring as the main reason, and this now being touted as a rebuilding year due to the poor start, the Bills front office announce they are immediately cutting ties with future Hall Of Famer Terrell Owens.  “We want to give Terrell his unconditional release so that he can explore his options on the free market and hopefully sign with a play-off contending team.” 


Another NFL team insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the real reason to cut TO was due to diminished skills.  “You think he has a measly 15 receptions, 215 yards and 1 touchdown by choice?  [Buffalo] was expecting numbers similar to those Owens put up in Dallas.  Clearly the skills are diminishing.”


Referring to the release, Owns quipped “I’m cool with that” in his hastily assembled press conference, wearing a fashionable pork pie hat. “I’ve got other plans you know?  The NFL ain’t the only thing goin’ on in TO’s world.”


Rumor has it Owens has already established a relationship with a leading actor’s agent. “I think I’ll get my leg breaks in acting, see what Hollywood is all about.”  According to another anonymous source, Owens has already been approached by the Wayans family to play a part in their upcoming action hero thriller movie spoof “Born Hard and Die With a Vengeance”. 


When asked about the role, TO said “Yeah it’s true.  I got a chance to play a significantly small role as a private dick.  You know, I can just come in and do my own thing, unscripted as it were.  I’ll just solve some major case and woo the dame in distress.  The only thing I’ll tell you fellas is the name of the character.  He’s Buck Fuffalo.”