Larry's Losers in The SEC: Week Eight
Me and Bacardi usually have this column out by Sunday night, but we been spendin' a little extra time working on the Little Smart Pill Machine to get the perfect potion for prognosticating perfection.
This last batch must have been good, 'cause we both took one and I just finished the New York Times Sunday crossword and Bacardi put on an Alabama Pom Pom and has been doing 'Bama cheerleading stunts on his hind legs, so we think we got it right this time.
Last week we went with blind luck, and we went five outta six with the usual one loss in there. Gene Chizik and his Tiger tabbies let us down once again, and that brings the season record down to 43-10 for a less-than-respectable 76.5 percent margin.
So before the Smart Pills run out, let's get to this week's losers.
Tennessee at Alabama
Lane Kiffin is coming down for his first taste of real Southern cooking, only he don't know yet his team is the main course. Nick Saban's boys have been squeezing opponents' offenses so hard he's expecting to make more than a few gallons of orange juice this weekend.
But Lane ain't comin' to this fight alone, he done brought his daddy and his daddy carries a pretty good pair of paws to squeeze right back with. Daddy Monte plans to pile on the pachyderm's problems in the red zone and thinks if he can keep it close, they might can pull out a tight one late.
But in the end, it's harder to get your hands around an elephant's neck than a Volunteer. Larry's loser—Tennessee.
Arkansas at Ole Miss
Just when you need a perfect week to get your average back up, here comes this game. Petrino's pigs almost pummeled the Florida swamp lizards last week and served notice you'd better have your chin straps on tight.
Ole Miss started out the season as the SEC sweetheart, but as the people who thought that sober up, they aren't liking what they see. (I know we all remember dates like that at some point in our lives.)
One team's on the rise while another's on the decline. When this one's over, Ole Miss is gonna be just a little bit uglier. Larry's loser—Ole Miss
Auburn at LSU
Speaking of teams on the decline, the wiregrass wonders started off lookin' like maybe they had picked the right man to reverse a 5-7 season from last year. With Furman left on the schedule, they'll at least do that, and maybe a lot more if they get Gus' guys gallopin' on offense.
Les Miles has been usin' up his nine lives kinda quick this season, and his close call kitties may be ripe for an upset if Auburn can pounce off some points.
When this cat fight's over and the fur has stopped flyin', LSU will be the last cat dancing. Larry's loser—Auburn
Florida at Mississippi State
The Florida Gators come to Starkville to say hello to an old friend and then kick his hind end. At least that's the plan.
Dan Mullen figures he knows more about the Gators' offense than anybody but maybe Tim Tebow and he can find the weakness that has eluded everybody else.
However, knowing how to stop a freight train is one thing, but standing in front of one trying to do it is another matter—that's why Larry's loser is Mississippi State.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina
Steve Spurrier's Carolina cluckers proved last week that they can play with the big boys. Bobby Johnson has proved so far that his bunch is far removed from last year's bowl team.
So with so little else to prove, this will be a game where these Gamecocks won't lay an egg, putting themselves back on the winning side and in line for a good bowl this holiday season.
This is the game that makes them bowl-eligible and tunes them up for some more tough ones down the road. Larry's loser—Vanderbilt
So with pigskin perfection hangin' precariously close once again, it's time to close the book on this week's selections and head off for a little well-deserved treat.
OK Bacardi, put down the pom poms and go fetch my slippers, it's time to go search for a snack in the kitchen and something to wash chase those Smart Pills down with!
Until next week....
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