ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit Takes Stand in Mack Brown Trial

The University of Texas Alumni Association (Texas Exes) lawsuit trial over the severance package paid to departing Head Coach Mack Brown was jolted today by the testimony of an unexpected witness, who was questioned by counsel for the Texas Exes.

Counsel: Will the witness please state his name.

Witness: Kirk Herbstreit.

C: Please tell the court your occupation.

W: Animated analyst.

C: You mean that's not really you I see on TV, but a cartoon character?

W: (Stuttering) Well, er, no, that's really me, in all my glory, I was just, uh, trying to, uh, say that I try to bring, uh, some, uh, animalistic life to, uh, what I say.

C: I think we understand.  Were you friendly with Mack Brown?

W: I wouldn't say friendly.  We had dinner together a number of times.  

C:  Did you talk about BCS standings?

W:  BCS?  Be Charismatic Saturdays?

C:  I didn't know you could use four-syllable words.

At this point, Mack Brown jumps up from his chair.

Mack Brown: Objection!  He never used any four-syllable words with me!  (He looks mournfully at the witness)

Judge:  Sit down, Mr. Brown.  (Looking at the court reporter.)  Hey, I just made a rhyme!

C:  Back to the BCS.  Did you and Mr. Brown ever talk last year's BCS standings?

W:  Well, yes, I suppose we did.

C:  Were there any witnesses?

W:  DeLoss Dodds.  And Urban and Tim.

C:  Urban and Tim?

W:  Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow.  Tim's my hero.

C:   Was this meeting a secret?

W:  Yes.  We had it in Tim's prayer room.  But it was safe.  It was guarded by 72 virgins.

C:  How do you know there were 72?  And how do you know they were virgins?

W:  I counted them.  At least they were virgins.  But not after I got finished with them. (Shrugs his shoulders.)  I kinda feel sorry for Tim.  But, hey, he's got thousands of groups of 72 lined up.

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