Tiger Tangents: Watch What You Wish For

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Tiger Tangents: Watch What You Wish For
(Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

I had a pretty interesting weekend.

 

Of course, Saturday was the big LSU/Florida game and tailgating for that one was a blast. The game itself was rather boring. But actually the real eventful part for me was Sunday.

 

While you were spending your Sunday either recovering from your Saturday, getting things done around the house, seeing family, or just watching more football, I was cleaning out my garage.

 

It really needed it as of late. My garage is the kind of garage you don't always go into the deep corners of because there's too much junk. But sure enough while going through some old stuff I was going to chuck in our trash can, I found it.

 

It's doesn't look like much since it's kind of rusty, and I gotta tell you it's really old, but I'd been looking for this thing for a while: It's my old time machine.

 

I had wondered where I'd left it. Man, I loved this thing although I really don't get a chance to play around with it anymore since becoming a new Dad. But I was getting to the point where I'd do just about anything to stop cleaning, so I got inside and took it for a little spin.

 

This box of bolts used to be really frustrating because the controls didn’t always work correctly. It smells awful, in fact, the second I got in it I remember how much I really didn’t like this thing.

 

“Stupid piece of junk.”

 

See, I found this thing in a junkyard a while back. It got thrown out because it doesn't go into the future, just the past. And to be honest, it doesn't even go that far in the past relatively speaking. Man, I can’t believe I found this thing.

 

It's supposed to be like riding a bicycle, but I figure I'd start slowly. To start off, I just went back to last week. By the way, it doesn't take me anywhere else in the world either, just where I am now, Baton Rouge. I went back to last Wednesday and Tiger fans everywhere were abuzz for the big game Saturday against the Florida Gators. I found myself in a local sports bar and headed in the direction of the bartender and found myself in the middle of a group of fans talking about the big game.

 

"Hey guys, what would say if I said that LSU would hold Florida to 13 points on Saturday??"

 

Smiles filled the room, most every fan got excited. One even said, "Heck I'd take that in a heartbeat!"

 

You could really feel the mood of the room change as most fans who didn’t think LSU had a shot were all of a sudden optimistic.

 

Then it happened again.

 

All of a sudden amongst the happiness and anticipation for the big game I could feel the machine pulling me back into the present.

 

“Stupid piece of junk!” I yelled.

 

No wonder someone threw it out. I spent a grand total of about two minutes in the past. Not even enough time to order a beer.

 

Still I'd figure I'd fire it up again to see what happens. This time I went all the way back to July. I'm sitting at my computer. I’m on the LSU message boards and of course people are suffering football withdrawals.

 

Everyone is talking about the upcoming season. Different predictions were being thrown out. The high end was double digit wins, the more cautious of the fans were picking 8-4, and just about every scenario in between was bandied about.

 

It seemed to be the general consensus that most thought at the halfway point of the season that we should be 5-1 after the Florida game. Most said they would be happy with that.

 

Boy I had some great news for them...but I never had a chance to type it. Before I knew it I was sitting in my garage on Sunday again.

 

This is pretty fun I must admit. Let's see what this thing can really do. I had the pedal to the floor but the big tin can only gets me back to November of last year.

 

I'm sitting in my car listening to local sports radio. Caller after caller is admonishing QB Jarrett Lee.

 

"He throws too many picks!!"

 

"Why can't we give Jordan Jefferson a chance?"

 

"I would just be happy with a game manager at QB, anything is better than this."

 

"Gary Crowton is calling plays too fast and loose. Why are we throwing on first down so much with this QB, we need to be more conservative!"

 

It was a real twilight zone moment. But I feel like what I knew should be brought to the forefront. I call up the radio station and when I get on I simply say...

 

"Everyone's going to be begging for Jarrett Lee to be playing next year."

 

The host was speechless. I was telling him I was serious, LSU would be so much worse on offense in the first half of '09 that fans will be begging for Lee to play again.

 

The host hung up on me. He thought I was a prank caller.

 

I spent the next 10 minutes listening to people reacting to my call. Calling me a nut-job, an idiot, and questioning whether or not I was on drugs. It was frustrating, I wasn't trying to stir up anything I was just stating the truth—that right now, in October 2009, LSU fans would be asking for Jarrett Lee to come back under center.

 

But before I knew it again, I was brought back to the present.

 

Now I remember why I buried this thing under all the junk.

 

About a year ago in December, I went back to when Ryan Perrilloux had been kicked off this team before the '08 season. I didn't present fans with any info from the future, just a question.

 

If kicking Perrilloux off this team meant the Tigers took a dip in wins that year, meaning that instead of two or three losses the Tigers incurred four or five, would they be okay with it?

 

Almost all said yes.

 

They were willing to make that deal. However, I remember as last season dragged on, most didn't want to hold up their end of the deal. Tiger fans were writing checks they didn't want cashed in the first place.

 

And now it looks like the fans are emotionally damaging their second quarterback for the second year in a row.

 

"We don't want a quarterback that makes too many mistakes, that takes too many chances, or making throws he shouldn't make. We don't need a gunslinger, we need a game manager!"

 

Well Tiger fans wished, and their wish was granted…

 

So as it got later on Sunday I buried that stupid time machine back in the corner of my garage amidst the stuff I decided I was keeping. Don't quite know why I didn’t just bring it out to the curb.

 

Later that night I awoke to a strange feeling. Something didn't feel quite right. I got up and got some water from the kitchen. I went to the cabinet to get a cup then heard a strange voice in the very same room…

 

“Watch what you wish for…”

 

When I spun around a little girl who I'd never seen before was standing in my kitchen. I was so alarmed that I dropped my water but my eyes stayed fixed on the little stranger in my kitchen. She couldn't have been more than six years old.

 

My heart was racing because she startled me at first but there was something about her that seemed so familiar. We just stood there staring at each other.

 

I was too taken aback to speak. Finally, I felt like I needed to say something and right as I was about to ask how she got in my house she broke the silence…

 

"They brought it on themselves," she said eerily.

 

"What are you talking about?" I replied while being quite confused and honestly a little scared. "Who did?"

 

"The fans, they’re unhappier than ever, some are sad, most are mad," she said.

 

My silence belied my further confusion.

 

She stirred the silence again in a serious tone, "They never should have fired Les Miles."

 

My thoughts are further stalled by her words…then a chill comes over me as I start putting two and two together.

 

Little did I know she was about five seconds away from disappearing from the room altogether when she says…

 

“You were right all along, Daddy.”

 

Then she was gone.

 

Stupid piece of junk!

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