Sundays From the Cellar: The Worst Get Worse

Record: 0-5

Sunday’s Inevitable Outcome: Minnesota 38, Rams 10

Week 4 Viewing Strategy: Use the game as a distraction

First pitch of the Cardinals-Dodgers NLDS Game 4 was originally slated for 3:30.  All St. Louisans had to do was let the Rams serve as a harmless distraction until the more important game started up and we could finally see a local team who wasn’t an embarrassment to the city on a Sunday afternoon.

Then the Cardinals went ahead and got swept in three straight by the Dodgers.  Needless to say, this strategy didn’t work out all that well.

Total Rams points in the 1st and 4th quarters through five games in the 2009 season: 7

Making matters worse
If watching a Rams game wasn’t bad enough, this week’s game offered up endless Favre ball licking as well.  And you know how we at JSF love us some Favre ball licking…

“Safety Craig Dahl was thinking ‘how can he throw it that far?’  He should know better because it’s Brett Favre” – Charles Davis

“That’s the bottom line, he just loves to play the game.  And we’ve seen plenty of evidence of that too.” – Charles Davis

“It seems like for years he’s thrown off balance and still completed big passes” - Chris Myers

Brett Favre wasn’t exactly primed for this game
Favre likely remembered that the last time he played the Rams was with the Jets last season and, in that game, he managed to rack up a 40-0 halftime lead in one of the most lopsided games this football fan has ever witnessed in the NFL.  That was 40-0 at freaking halftime.  Considering his team this year is significantly better than the Jets were and the Rams are just bad, it’s no surprise he needed a few snorts of the smelling salts to wake up before kickoff…

The Rams desperate attempt to bring back some good karma
The last time the Rams won the Super Bowl, they were sporting their traditional bright yellow and royal blue uniforms.  After the ‘99-’00 Super Bowl season, they switched the current gold and navy motif.  Perhaps in a desperate attempt to trick drunken Rams fans into thinking that Kurt Warner, Marshall Faulk and the gang were back, the Rams came out Sunday wearing the old uniforms, but it took just a few plays under center from Kyle Boller for everyone to realize that today’s team looks more like the one quarterbacked by Tony Banks than the one quarterbacked by Kurt Warner…

###MORE###

The Moment of Doubt
After a big 4th down conversion at the Vikings 15 yard line, Steven Jackson runs ten yards to the Vikings two.  The Rams look poised to complete an impressive drive and cut the lead to 14-7.  Then right on cue…

The Moment of Truth
Looking to stuff it into the endzone for his first TD of the year, Steven Jackson bobbles the handoff, fumbles and the ball is recovered on the 4 yard line by the Vikings’ Jared Allen.

Fans of this team really shouldn’t be surprised by anything at this point, but it’s still stunning how many ways they can find to screw up stuff that other teams seem to do without effort. Watching it happen week after week, it wouldn’t be all together shocking to hear that the entire roster has been paid off by Russian mobsters.

The Moment of “Holy Shit this team is horrible”
After another impressive drive to the Vikings 10 yard line in the second quarter, tight end, Daniel Fells catches a pass at the four, gets hit…ball pops out…caught by a Viking player for the second Rams turnover inside the 5 yard line.

Offensive “Ram” of the Week: Red zone offense
4 trips into the red zone = 3 points, 3 turnovers

Competition for #32
Cross the Cleveland Browns off the list of the winless with their 6-3 win over Buffalo.  The true competition for worst team in the league is now between the Tampa Bay Bucs, the Kansas City Chiefs and the St. Louis Rams.  The Bucs were blown out by the Eagles in Philly, the Chiefs nearly knocked off the Cowboys losing in overtime and the Rams, well the Rams sucked on every level and continue to scoff at any other team who believes they have a claim to the title of league’s worst.

New marketing tagline for the Rams
“St. Louis Rams: Where our receivers dance in the endzone even when they’re getting beat by three touchdowns”

Up Next: @ Jacksonville (2-3)

---

Subscribe (for free!!) to our weekly sports podcast, deemed "incredible" by two out of three of our moms.

© JoeSportsFan.com, 2009. | Permalink | Tweet This