Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
If there was a shred of doubt concerning Brett Favre's ability, arm strength, motivation, or boyish enthusiasm, it was put to rest last Monday in the Vikings' 30-23 win over the Packers. If revenge was indeed a factor, Favre showed it only by carving up the Green Bay pass defense for 271 yards and three touchdowns.
"My gosh," says Favre, "my offensive line gave me so much time to throw that on one play I actually contemplated retirement and changed my mind twice before I had to throw.
"I think this game proves that I have no ill will towards the Packers. I feel I displayed the utmost respect and reverence in destroying them. If there were any hard feelings, well, that baggage has been 'Packed.'
"I want to thank the Packers for allowing me to play for 16 years. Mostly, though, I want to thank them for not allowing me to play that 17th year. There's no way I would have survived behind that offensive line."
In stark contrast to the 4-0 Vikings, the Rams are 0-4 after their second shutout loss, a 35-0 whipping at the hands of division rival San Francisco. Quarterback Kyle Boller will face a Vikings defense that sacked Aaron Rodgers eight times.
Defensive end Jared Allen recorded 4.5 of those sacks and also forced a fumble, a performance that solidified his position as a front-runner for NFL Defensive Player of the Year.
"I've already got my outfit picked out to wear to the awards ceremony," says Allen. "It's a camouflage wife-beater with a bow tie, accessorized with a cummerbund loaded with 12-gauge shotgun shells. You've got to dress to impress. Just as I do on the field. Not many guys can wear No. 69 and make it work. Me in jersey No. 69? Cool. Slow-pitch softball player in No. 69? Not cool."
Help is on the way for the Rams. Conservative talk show blowhard Rush Limbaugh is partnering with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the Rams. Quick, somebody tell Limbaugh that there's no such position on a football team known as "right wing."
Minnesota would be ripe for the picking in a letdown were they playing anyone but the Rams. But Adrian Peterson takes control, giving Favre the chance to rest his arm with just 20 passes. Peterson rushes for 146 yards and two touchdowns. The Rams get on the board late on a Steven Jackson score, verifying that the lights on the "home" side of the scoreboard do, in fact, work.
Minnesota wins, 30-7.
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