What If: John Cena Goes To ECW After Bragging Rights

Mike Salvatore by Correspondent Written on October 08, 2009
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ECW opens this week with a highlights from the Randy Orton/John Cena match from last Sunday’s Bragging Rights pay-per-view.

 

It is revealed that Cena ended up losing to Orton and as per their agreement must leave Raw. On his last appearance on Raw, Cena announces he will be moving to ECW…

 

Tiffany is in the ring telling the crowd what a great wrestler Cena is and how Raw’s loss is ECW’s gain. Too bad all the audience here can hear is this.

 

After about five minutes of talking him up, Tiffany finally introduces John Cena as ECW’s newest superstar.

 

As Cena makes his way to the ring, Matt Striker begins gushing as he talks all about Cena’s accomplishments during his career in the WWE. Some of the big words he uses to describe Cena are; sagacious, velocious, gregarious, and talented.  

 

Josh Matthews, not to be outdone by his scholarly broadcast partner is busy building his vocabulary with Mad Libs.

 

Cena tells the fans he is excited to be on ECW, that he can’t wait to take on some new challengers, and that he wants to go after the ECW Title.

 

Then William Regal’s music hits…

 

Regal is followed by Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson. He tells Cena that he is rightful No. 1 contender despite losing to Christian the last three weeks.  Cena points out that Regal did get pinned by Hornswoggle on the last episode of Superstars.

 

Obviously embarrassed, Regal says the only way the Cena should be the No. 1 contender would be if he can beat the Ruthless Roundtable in a three-on-one handicap match. Before Tiffany can say anything, Cena delivers one of his patented 10-minute “never back down” speeches and accepts the challenge.

 

A few minutes later we have a meeting of the minds between Zack Ryder and John Cena in a backstage segment. Between all the “woo wooing” and “broing” it appears Ryder wants to fight Cena tonight and he’s not alone.

 

He proposes a Gauntlet Match for Cena that night, and since Cena never backs down, he readily accepts.

 

Years later, it will be revealed that John Cena has an inferiority complex.

 

As Cena makes his way down to the ring, Matt Striker chimes in with some more praise for the former WWE Champion. Some words he uses to describe Cena this time are, imprudent, undauntable, grandiose, and beloved.

 

Josh Matthews has moved on to Sudoku; at level 3!!!

 

Paul Burchill will be Cena’s first opponent. As he walks to the ring we notice that his sister Katie Lee is bringing a book with her to the ring, possibly to keep her entertained during the match.

 

The bell rings, Burchill swings wildly and misses and gets an attitude adjustment for his troubles. Katie Lee is visibly frustrated; as she didn’t even finish one page of her book (a closer look reveals it to be a contract with TNA).

 

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written on October 08, 2009 Humor


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