DJ Mbenga—F/C Los Angeles Lakers
Mbenga is one-half Belgian, one-half Congolese, and one-half useless. Perennially signed to intimidate opponents in the paint, the only person Mbenga intimidates is the closest reporter to the end of the bench because that is where he sits for about 42 minutes every game. Unless you are in a 40-team league, stay away from the Belgian Bruiser.
Jerome James—C Chicago Bulls
According to Chicago news wires, “Big Snacks” has cut back on the cheesesteaks and turned up his training regimen, and he’s hoping to make a dramatic comeback in 2009 and possibly scam one last team in free agency. Either way, the best logic is to stay away...far, far away. The Knicks didn’t get that memo, but I hope you do.
Hamed Haddadi—C Memphis Grizzlies
Hamed Haddadi might be the Prince of Persia, but in America, his throne is a metal chair on the end on the bench. In fact, when the Lakers play the Grizzlies, not only do you get Gasol vs. Gasol, you also get the fearsome matchup Mbenga vs. Haddadi to see who will log the least playing time.
Malik Rose—PG/SG/SF/PF/C/Util—Oklahoma City Thunder
It’s sad to think that guys like Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, and Karl Malone don’t have Championship rings, but Malik Rose does. Malik is as useful as a blind witness. He could maybe win you an “Alley-Oops Clanked off the Backboard” category. It was a sad day for Knicks fans when Malik was traded. And by sad, I mean amazing.
Mouhamed Saer Sene—C Free Agent
The Senegalese Senator of Swats will be honing his defensive craft for the Albuquerque Thunderbirds this season, but don’t be surprised if he’s called up to help some unlucky team win last place and year-long humiliation. In his defense, Sene did perform well in D-League. A couple of solid outings in the NBA, and the Knicks could come calling with an offer.