Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
The undefeated Colts welcome the ailing Seahawks to Lucas Oil Stadium, the "House That Lube Built," home of Peyton Manning and the well-oiled Indy offense, which often operates as if at the mercy of a shot clock.
Not known for time-consuming, 14-to-18 play drives, the Colts scored four touchdowns on the Cardinals last week on drives all of six minutes or less.
"Hey, no one's ever accused me of eating clock," says Manning. "I can't speak for my brother Eli, though.
"Anyway, time of possession is such an overrated statistic. When is a plodding, run-heavy offense really that useful, except for maybe in the playoffs and/or in the snow in New England?
"I know where all this is headed, though. As soon as we lose a few games, we'll be criticized for the very thing for which we've been praised."
For Seattle's Edgerrin James, Sunday's game will be a homecoming of sorts. James was with the Colts for seven years before leaving for Arizona as a free agent. Now, he's a backup for the Seahawks.
"I wish I could stand here and tell you that I wish I'd never left," says James. "But that would make me sound like Marvin Harrison under police questioning.
"The truth is, I wish I was still a Colt. Why? Look at this offense. I wouldn't have to do a thing except pick up a blitz every now and then, or run a stretch play for a yard or two.
"Plus, the stadium's brand new, and they've got a kicker named Adam Nougatieri. That's funny, because when I was here, whenever someone mentioned our kicker's name, all you heard were 'snickers.'"
Colts win, 29-17.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!