Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Uh oh. There's trouble brewing in Buffalo. Terrell Owens went without a catch in the Bills 27-7 loss to New Orleans last week, ending a streak of 185 games with at least one reception. This after a week in which Owens criticized Tony Romo on Twitter, then publicized his intentions to pursue an acting career when done with football.
"Yeah, I know an acting career seems implausible," says Owens, "especially since I have trouble playing myself most days. I'm convinced the media is out to screw me, by taking my words and skewing them to their liking for the sake of the story. I can't understand why they would do that, especially when taking my words and reporting them verbatim makes for a much better story."
Things aren't a whole lot better in Miami. The Dolphins are 0-3, Chad Pennington is out for the season with a shoulder injury, and franchise offensive tackle Jake Long has made the "reverse pancake block" famous.
"Like Jake," says Tony Sparano, "we're on our backs. And, like Jake, things are looking up. We all tested positive—for attitude. I refuse to let this team get down. That's why Bill Parcells isn't allowed to talk to them."
"As Pennington's's replacement, Chad Henne will face a lot of heat from opposing defenses and impatient fans, but that's nothing compared to what he would face should he appear on The Jim Rome Show, where the blustery host will no doubt call him 'Sonja.' How Chad responds to his critics will tell us a lot about him. Will he sit there and take it, or will he turn over a table and go after the diminutive Rome until someone holds him back?"
Who will do more throwing, Trent Edwards (to Owens) or Owens (his arms up in disgust)? That remains to be seen. All that's for sure is the Miami Wildcat formation will see a lot of activity, so much so that Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams will later star in a spot for ABC's Cougar Town.
Brown and Williams combine for 187 total yards and two touchdowns. Miami wins, 24-20.