Tennis logoTennis

Tennis' First Tournament: The Eden Masters

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst ISeptember 30, 2009

As per Rob York's instructions I dug into the oldest archives.  I went rummaging into the Arc Of the Covenant and came up with the first game stats of tennis.  It took place in the year 750,000 BC (7500 BC if you are a creationist).

The match took place with two of the missing links, OOGGA and BOOGA (Adam and Eve for all the creationists). 

The first tennis match on record was a mixed singles match which, ironically, never survived to this day. 

OOGA (Adam) beat BOOGA (Eve) in three straight sets whereupon BOOGA lacerated OOGA's skull by whipping her racket at his head.   Since no chair ump was available (no one up to this point saw a need for it), the match was deemed an exhibition.

The serpent, who was a spectator at the time rushed to OOGA's side and wrapped himself around OOGA's head to keep him from bleeding to death. 

It would be another two seasons before OOGA and BOOGA played each other.  This time BOOGA came out on top.  OOGA was never the same player after taking that racket to the head.

OOGA's unforced errors skyrocketed, plus BOOGA's insistance on a second, third, and fourth serves meant that OOGA had no chance at all. 

Both players met at the net with a warm embrace, and although OOGA was severely defeated, he did get lucky that night. 

Nothing more could be found on Tennis' fierce rivalry between OOGA and BOOGA because of the sudden arrival of the Ice Age.  They were frozen instantly maintaining their tennis form for all to see.

Somewhere in the northern glaciers of the Russian Arctic, OOGA and BOOGA still wait for the thaw to complete their game.  BOOGA is eager to claim another grandslam, while OOGA is hoping to avoid a "slam" and get lucky again later on. 

Where can I comment?

Stay on your game

Latest news, insights, and forecasts on your teams across leagues.

Choose Teams
Get it on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

Real-time news for your teams right on your mobile device.

Download
Copyright © 2017 Bleacher Report, Inc. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved. BleacherReport.com is part of Bleacher Report – Turner Sports Network, part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Network. Certain photos copyright © 2017 Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited. AdChoices