Florida Gators Football

Tim Tebow Will Absolutely Start (And Win) The Game Against LSU.

Thomas JohnsenCorrespondent ISeptember 30, 2009

Gator fans, be easy. Tiger fans, be fearful. Tim Tebow is about to rock your world.

For Gator fans, Tebow has been rocking us since 2006 with his energy injecting high impact plays. From the fourth down conversion at Tennessee in 2006 to the option clinic he put on in Kentucky last week (I'm assuming it was a class since the defenders didn't look like they were really trying), Tebow has been our Superman.

Which is why this "concussion" is going to be nothing to worry about.

Now, I put concussion in quotation marks because I am not buying the left-right wing media propaganda regarding Tebow's supposed injury.

A quick check on the cause and symptoms of a concussion gave me the revelation that "The Last Son of Krypton" has been suffering from a concussion from a very early age.

Follow me here for a minute (or five).

According to Google Health (who I assume is an MD, so I'll just refer to him/her as Dr. Health), a concussion is caused by "a significant blow to the head." Dr. Health also cites "car accidents" can result in concussions.

Seeing how Tebow is built like a Cadillac sedan and most SEC interior defensive lineman are the size of a small SUV, "The Golden Child" has been experiencing "concussions" for a long time now.

Has he ever missed a game? Didn't think so.

Still not convinced? Good, I have more proof and a word count I haven't satisfied yet.

Here is the list of concussion symptoms that Dr. Health provided:

  • Headache
  • Altered level of consciousness
  • Loss of consciousness
  • Memory loss of events surrounding the injury

Hellllooooo? Headache? I'm sure The Man of Steel has had plenty of those after the aforementioned car collisions suffered every Saturday in the SEC. Plus, everyone suffers headaches. I'm writing this one off to a couple of hangovers Dr. Health had during med school.

The second item is what I really find interesting. To say Tebow is suffering from an "altered level of consciousness," is like saying Lamar Odom is married to the least hot Kardashian.

In the words of Liz Lemon, Ah Doi!

Anyone that has super powers is bound to be of some hyperconcious that only they can understand. The Big Blue Boy Scout obviously suffers from this same condition, transcending him into a college football god.

So what does all of this tell us?

I mean, we saw Tebow leave in the ambulance. We read that the medical tests were positive. We keep hearing the reports that he isn't able to study or read yet.

Guess what, that's only two out of five senses (or six for those of us who have ESPN). That's only forty percent! FAIL!

Unless you can feel, taste or smell Tebow's concussion, I won't even consider your argument.

The 2007 Heisman winner is fine. The media is putting on a show. Tim The Super Man Tebow will fly into Baton Rouge and tear up those Bayou Tigers.

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