NFL Week Three: Not Impressed

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NFL Week Three: Not Impressed
(Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

Three years ago, my wife and I took a driving trip with my parents out east to visit the Sesame Place theme park.

Since my parents are just a tad frugal, we tried to compromise on the luxuriousness of the hotels that we would stay at, which led us to make online reservations at some budget-type hotels.

Imagine our surprise when we pulled into one such hotel in Columbus, Ohio, and found out that it was located right next to a strip club.

Not exactly what you’re looking for when traveling with a three-year-old.

But, trying not to be difficult, my wife and I went against our better judgment and spent the night there anyway. But we never would have stayed there if we had been there without my folks.

I bring this up in light of an ongoing controversy that’s happening here in the Madison area concerning a hotel and a nearby nightclub. Turns out, the hotel is refunding thousands of dollars to guests who have complained about the noise from said nightclub, which just happens to be Dane County’s largest.

Well, I tended to be a little sympathetic to those disgruntled hotel guests until I just randomly happened to drive by the area earlier today.

The nightclub, which is about the size of the Mall of America, is literally RIGHT ON TOP of this hotel. They are closer than crazies Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie circa 2001.

I say if you pull into this hotel and you don’t cancel your reservation after finding out that it’s six feet from a cavernous edifice that advertises on its marquee “Tonight Only—Tribute To Tool,” then I’m sorry, but I’m not impressed by your lack of prognosticating what the noise level will be like around 1:30 a.m.

Here’s what else I’m not impressed with after week three of the NFL season, and most of it hits close to home:

The Detroit Lions. Yay. You won a game. Your second game in the last 21 months. I’m sorry if I don’t join the Motor City conga line over this one, but you didn’t beat the Indianapolis Colts, you beat a team at home, that is worse than you.

The Washington Redskins are absolutely awful. How Jim Zorn still has a job is as confusing to me as how people can sit through America’s Got Talent (based on this show, I’d say it doesn’t).

Detroit, you’re going to win again this year. Probably at least twice. Try not to act like you just won the Super Bowl next time.

The Green Bay Packers. Whoopee. You beat up on the St. Louis Rams. The same Rams that last week lost to Washington.

This just in: The Rams stink worse than a highway rest area men’s room.

Here’s what’s troubling about the Packers win at St. Louis: The offense isn’t clicking nearly as well as the preseason hype led us to believe it would. Despite starting early drives at the Rams' 10 and the Rams' 12, the Packers could only muster field goals, gaining a total of 26 yards on three first-quarter drives.  They could not sustain drives, ending the day a paltry 2-for-9 on third downs. Sure, they converted on some big plays, but big plays aren’t going to be there against better defenses.

The Packers' defense also gave up 17 points and 22 first downs to the team with statistically the worst offense in the league. The Rams had totaled 7 points and 27 first downs in the previous two games combined. 

Seems to me that the Packers’ defense is beginning to look as suspect as new coordinator Dom Capers’s toupee.

The good news: The Packers’ offensive line at least played better, and they held their penalties in check ("only" six for 51 yards). And those big plays surely delighted the Packers fans in attendance (there was at least as much green and gold as there was blue and gold at the Edward James Dome on Sunday). But there can be no doubt that this is a flawed team heading to the Metrodome on Monday night.

The Minnesota Vikings. That final play against the 49ers? Impressive, yes. But also very, very lucky. I would say eight times out of 10 Favre doesn’t convert on that throw. (And it was a better catch by Lewis than throw by Favre.)

The Vikings certainly have to be favored in Monday’s night “game of the century,” but not all is right with the 3-0 Purple People Eaters. Their defense was pushed to the brink—not early, but in crunch time—by a team that lost its only legitimate offensive threat early in the first quarter. That defense allowed misfits Shaun Hill and Vernon Davis to connect way too many times.

And the Vikings' offense? Like Rodgers, Favre is struggling to maintain drives. But after Sunday’s final miracle play, the Vikings have to be confident heading into Monday night.

The Chicago Bears. On Sunday, the Bears barely beat Seattle, a mediocre team that was without its starting quarterback and six other starters. And even then they needed help from some missed field goals to stay close. (Love the rant you spewed against Olindo Mare, Jim Mora. I’m sure that did wonders for your kicker’s confidence.)

And after Pittsburgh lost to Cincinnati on Sunday, suddenly the Bears’ victory against the Steelers last week doesn’t look that awe-inspiring.

My fantasy football team. So glad I drafted LaDainian Tomlinson over Drew Brees. This week my opponent basically doubled my score. It’s enough to make me want to go over to Scatz’s for 2-for-1 rail mixers.

 

 
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