Internal Memo: WTF?

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Internal Memo: WTF?
(Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images)

Okay, seriously guys, what the f*ck?

This is a joke, right? I mean really? We let a team win 19-14 when they haven't won a game in 19 tries in our head coach's 19th game?

Ha, ok guys, you can put the new score on the board now: 73-0 Redskins. You guys really had me fooled. LOL :P

Okay, so this is totally uncool. I, like many of you, am trying to figure out what happened. And I think I know what the problem was. It's totally my fault;I should have seen this coming. I feel like such an idiot.

I wasn't close enough to the team. Not in a relationship sense, but on the field.

I should have been on the sideline giving them a pep talk. Campbell throws a pick? I really wanted to talk to him and say "Hey brosef, don't worry about it. You'll get it next time." I know my presence really motivates these guys.

Zorn's playcalling? Again, my fault. I just wasn't there to offer my suggestions. Remember that play to Santana Moss for the touchdown? We should have just called that every play. We would have scored every time :D!

There are so many things about this team that would just be better off if I were more involved. All the newspapers are saying I should be less involved now, but if something's wrong, isn't it my responsibility to fix it?

I know! Did you ever see "Little Big League?" It's a baseball movie where a 12-year-old inherits the Minnesota Twins, then he appoints himself as manager. The team goes fromĀ  being terrible to being a playoff team! Then at the end, the kid says, "I'm stepping down as manager" and everybody is sad. Then he says "Don't worry, I'll still own the team" and everybody loves him. If a kid can do it with a baseball team, I can totally do it with a football team.

So, we'll let Zorn have a few more games, then, just when things look to be at their worst, Dan Snyder to the Rescue!!

So until then, I'll raise parking prices (if I'm gonna be owner AND coach I need double the salary) or something. Everybody, be prepared to sell this plan. And can we get Albert Haynesworth a raise? He's such a trooper for coming back into the game after looking like he was seriously hurt! $100 million was such a steal ;-)

Yours,

-Danny

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