Cleveland Browns: These Dawgs Need to Be Put to Sleep

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Cleveland Browns: These Dawgs Need to Be Put to Sleep
(Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

Let's be honest.

There's a lot that needs to change with the Cleveland Browns and it's going to take a lot longer than some of us had hoped.  The Denver Broncos should have been about as much as a "gimme" as you can get, and there remains little to no hope that this team will be competitive in 2009 after witnessing the 27-6 blowout.

This organization needs a makeover and though we may be waiting awhile for it to manifest itself in the form of wins, a more manageable and immediate change should be made not on the field, but in the stands, particularly, the Dawg Pound.

The whole phenomenon started back in 1985 when Browns cornerbacks Hanford Dixon and Frank Minnifield likened their team's pass rush to a dog chasing a cat.  When the defense registered a sack, the linebackers would bark.

The litter multiplied as fans caught on to it.  Next thing you know, everybody's wearing dog ears, noses and masks, waving giant dog bones, throwing bone-shaped doggie biscuits at the visiting team and chasing cars.

The team was good and we all had a lot of fun dressing up in our Dawg gear.  But as I currently look on at the folks in the east end zone at Cleveland Browns Stadium, wearing the same rubber Dawg masks, barking like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, I'm struck at how outdated our mascot has become.

It was rowdy back in 1987; not so much in 2009.  It's not too dissimilar to your parents saying such things as "Gnarly, dude!" or "Bodacious!" like Michelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  It's just not cool anymore.  If anything, it's an accurate reflection of the Cleveland Browns organization as a whole: embarrassing.

Unfortunately, if we were to ever give both barrels to Old Yeller, the list of replacements remains short, but nonetheless appropriate:

  1. The Fighting Orange-and-Brown Viagra Pill, for an impotent offense.
  2. The Marching Manginies, in honor of the Mangini dictatorship. "Hile!"
  3. Aqua Man, in honor of Eric Barton's theft of a bottle of water from a hotel mini-bar, resulting in a $1,700 fine.  If D'Qwell Jackson had been the perpetrator, it could be spelled "A'Qwa Man".
  4. The Dancing Modells.  Boy, can they move!
  5. Believeland Clowns, anyone?  Anyone?

I know what I'm proposing is a bit harsh and unexpected, but the Dawg Days must come to a long overdue end.  After all, would anyone argue that this team gives us little to bark out?

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