Owens Offers to House Khadaffi's Tent

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Owens Offers to House Khadaffi's Tent
(Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)

Says he went through the same, that media, citizens need to “get over old news”

 

The man once called the “Mad Dog of the Middle East” may finally have found someone to take him in.

 

During a pre-practice interview session with reporters, Buffalo Bills Wide Receiver Terrell Owens offered to end the controversy over Libyan Leader Muammar Khadaffi’s accommodations.

 

Tell him he can stay at my house,” the six-time Pro Bowler blurted out, causing mass double takes. “I got plenty of room.”

 

Owens, unmarried, has a 4,500 square foot home in Orchard Park, not far from where the Bills play. He does not have custody of his two children.

 

“I know what it’s like to feel unwelcome. I went through it all summer,” Owens continued, referring to the numerous rejections he incurred during his summer search for a home in Buffalo. “By golly, I know what it’s like for entire cities to scapegoat me. Mr. Khadaffi won’t be judged in my home.”

 

When it was pointed out that Khadaffi was infamous for more than just his flamboyant persona, Owens was unfazed.

 

“It was bad what happened, but people need to get over old news,” said Owens, who is with his fourth team. “He is a guest in our country, and deserves some respect.”

 

“It’s like me. [People] still can’t get over the sit-ups,” Owens added, referring to the 2005 incident where he was kicked out of Philadelphia training camp, only to conduct a press conference in his driveway while did sit-ups. “The Eagles caused that situation, and [Bills] Coach [Dick] Jauron knows better than to kick me out of camp.”

 

When asked how he would respond to almost certain negative media and fan attention, Owens was breezy. “The fans here have been very accepting. I’m pretty popular in Buffalo right now, and I don’t anticipate anything changing that.” He was quickly reminded that his previous stays began with similar fan infatuation. “See that’s just what I’m talking about, always bringing up the past. What you forget is that in all those towns, there were still people who liked me when I left.”

 

Asked what advice he might seek from the Libyan dictator, Owens was philosophical. “I might ask him how he dealt with being isolated black listed, excessively. We both know what it’s like to be persecuted, and I could learn a lot from [Khadaffi].

 

Hugo Chavez and Roger Goodell could not be reached for comment.

 

This is satire, and is entirely fictitious

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