Barnavicious XCorrespondent ISeptember 22, 2009

For those of you who missed the pseudo celebrity packed premiere of DWTS last night you missed last year's runner up and DWTS hopeful Phil Simms in an erotic tango that damn near set the floor on fire.

Sapp's dramatic return to the hardwood was embraced by judge Len, "Warren, I embrace you return," he commented after their performance.

Phil Simms was praised for his elegance and spunkiness, "It's like the sexual heat of Dante's Inferno is emitting from your vagina; I just want to roast marshmallows on you Phil...” exclaimed Bruno to a panting Phil Simms.

The delicious duo first starting heating up our televisions on Showtime's Inside the NFL. Their on screen antics and flirtiness inspired producers to make the last minute addition the shows glorious ninth season.

Co-Host Cris Collinsworth commented on their connection, "The two are so enamored with each other on the show (INFL) they do all but make out during rehearsal...last week after discussing the Raider's season, the two went missing together for about half an hour..."

Warren commented after the show, unfortunately he's still commenting, he's expected to stop some time this afternoon. Warren is well known for his incoherent ramblings and ignorance of pretty much any topic he discusses.

Phil Simms’s was unavailable for interview; in an odd conclusion to the performance he stripped naked and crawled inside of Warren Sapp's mouth. According do producers Simms’s was upset about a comment Aaron Carter made about his butt preceding their performance.

Carter allegedly commented about Simms being "butt-hurt" and "if he's not better than Kyle Orton...wasn't he Rex Grossman's backup?" Details to follow.

The pair received the only perfect marks for the night for their sultry artistry.

Look for the two tonight as DWTS continues its three night premiere...provided Warren opens his mouth...but that shouldn't be a problem, should it.