Bugeatersteve's College Football Bottom Five Rankings: Week Three

Bugeatersteve StuchlikCorrespondent ISeptember 21, 2009

Hello, you sick, can’t-take-your-eyes-off-the-train-wreck, got-to-watch-the-gore college football fans.

We are now entering the point of the season where teams start to finish their “cupcake” portion of their schedule, and the truly horrible teams, like cream, rise to the top.

Once again I have two new candidates entering the bottom five this week, one of which has real potential. So without further dribble from me, and in the words of Casey Kasem: On with the countdown...

(The team’s previous ranking is in parentheses.)


5. (NR) Western Kentucky Flat Toppers: 0-3

All Western Kentucky did Saturday was to lose to Div. II Central Arkansas at home, 28-7. They were outgained, 407 to 287, averaging a blistering 3.8 yards per play. They are off next week, but in two weeks they will lose to fellow winless and conference opponent Florida International.


4. (5) San Jose State Spastics: 0-3

Once again they showed their determination to stay in the bottom five by getting smashed by Stanford to the tune of 42-17. This game is not worthy of any details; however, San Jose State has averaged 0.3, 1.0 and 0.9 yards per carry in each loss, and for the season they have rushed for a total of 55 yards for an average of 0.7. Their next loss: this Saturday to Cal-Poly...who?


3. (4) Virginia Calves: 0-3

Moving up one spot in the rankings due to Colorado’s miraculous win, Virginia was actually leading its game against Southern Mississippi, until the Calves tired late and allowed Southern Miss to outscore them 13-0, going on to a 37-34 loss. Next beat down will be in their conference opener to undefeated North Carolina.


2. (NR) Miami (Ohio) Red Chicks: 0-3

My highest debuting team gets this spot over Virginia for many reasons. First off they just lost to Western Michigan (don’t you just love these directional schools!) by the score of 48-26.

Need some more credentials for their ranking? How about they started the game by allowing 35 straight points? Not enough you say, well then how about the fact that they started this season by allowing 125 straight points before they finally scored.

Yeah, I thought that would get your attention. Give them some love, though, as they did win the second half of the Western Michigan game by the tune of 26-20. Next loss is to Kent State on Saturday.


1. (1) New Mexico Lubes: 0-3

Continuing their impressive start, they opened their conference play with a 37-13 loss to Air Force. The Falcons held the Lobos (0-3, 0-1) to 290 total yards and forced four turnovers in the conference opener for both teams.

Air Force got the easy win with its second string quarterback leading the way, as starting quarterback Tim Jefferson left the game in the first quarter with an ankle sprain. New Mexico’s next loss is to in-state rival New Mexico State.


Dropping out of the bottom-dwellers were Colorado and Troy. Well, that is all that I have for this week’s poll. Look to see you again next week.