Olympic Hopefuls Outraged by Stolen Techniques

“Part of the secret to impressing the judges at an Olympic competition is an element of innovation and newness in the dive,” remarked USA Diving coach John Wingfield, who wished to remain anonymous. “What Mr. Osgood and Mr. Franzen are doing should be considered theft of a proprietary technique. It’s an approach that our team was not going to reveal to the diving world until Beijing.” 

US National Team member Hugh Showe, who was hoping to compete in the three-meter using a newly devised reverse pike, is suspicious of where Detroit net minder Chris Osgood came up with such a “similar” technique.

“The forward dive pike from a standing start is a fundamental drill that all divers practice whether they are a beginner or seasoned veteran, but the reverse with the arms flailing is a facet we had been working on in secret,” he said after quickly denying the quote. “I just have to wonder how Chris Osgood was able to reproduce it without inside knowledge.” 

Canadian three-meter Plongeon Team member, Eric Sehn (who also asked to remain anonymous) echoed these sentiments, saying, “Admittedly there’s something strange about the way Franzen and Osgood seem to capture the essence of some of our most important diving fundamentals.”

The Pittsburgh Penguins started a “diving” debate after Game two of the Stanley Cup Finals late Monday night in Detroit. “He’s good at it,” Pens Coach Michel Therrien said. “Malone’s intention was not to go to hit the goalie. This is not something we’re doing. He went in front of the net, and Osgood challenged him and he [executed the dive].”

Gary Roberts, who appeared to get away with a semi-sucker punch to Johan Franzen’s face with about nine minutes left in Game two, said after reviewing film of that play, he believes Franzen goes to the same diving school as Osgood.

Naturally, opinions on the issue seem to be split depending on your team allegiance.

Pens fans point to a conspiracy of 10-meter proportions, while Detroit faithfuls claim the controversy is “Complete cod-swaddle” and the result of spheniscus frustration and jealousy—noting that the term “diving” is “technically not applicable” because the water their players land on is clearly frozen.

"We've all seen the movie March of the Penguins, THEY fall like that all the time," offered another Red Wing fan.