Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Can you quantify the importance of Troy Polamalu and Brian Urlacher to their respective teams? Probably not. But it would be much easier to quantify amount of hair when discussing the two defensive superstars—Urlacher has none, Polamalu has lots. Hair or no hair, injuries have sidelined both, Polamalu for three to six weeks, Urlacher for the entire season.
As for the Bears offense, maybe Josh McDaniels is a genius, and expediting Jay Cutler to Chicago was a shrewd move for Denver. If last Sunday night's game in Green Bay is any indication, maybe Cutler isn't cut out for life in the NFC North, or life without the beneficial calls of Ed Hochuli. Cutler's four interceptions contributed to the Bears' 21-15 demise in Green Bay, while Urlacher's dislocated wrist further clouded a dark night.
"That's two limp-wristed performances we could have done without," says Lovie Smith. "Urlacher's wrist can be surgically repaired; Cutler's is a handicap he, and we, may have to just live with. But I'm dealing with it the only way I know how—by seeking to trade Cutler. You know it's bad for a quarterback in Chicago when people in helicopters are mooning him."
Cutler will face a Pittsburgh defense that thrives on quarterback pressure, a feature that was equally as, if not more, important to last year's success than a phantom roughing the passer call on the Cardinals Karlos Dansby. Defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau will attempt to confuse an already confused quarterback.
Ben Roethlisberger throws for 284 yards and two touchdowns, and Pittsburgh wins, 23-14.