Note: The quotes in the article are fictional.
That's because the Panthers kindly accessorized the luxury box with a defendant's table and a bailiff to accommodate Vick, who is eligible to play in Week Three. And with Donovan McNabb suffering a broken rib last Sunday, the possibility of Vick getting lots of playing time soon seems very likely.
"I know Michael's anxious to play," Andy Reid said. "I'm sure he's pretty sick and tired of sitting around in a suit and tie while others do all the work.
"But until he's eligible, we're taking no chances. That's why we've signed Jeff Garcia. Like Donovan, he understands the West Coast offense, and like Donovan, he hates Terrell Owens. I'm not sure that matters, but it will give them something to talk about.
"I'm not counting Donovan out just yet. He's a warrior, but rib injuries can be very aggravating, especially when throwing, or vomiting."
The Eagles defense will face the daunting challenge of containing Drew Brees and the Saints' explosive passing attack, which dropped six touchdowns through the air on the Lions last week.
Brees knows it won't come so easily against the attacking Philly defense. He also knows stopping him won't come so easily for the Eagle defense.
"Look, I'm no Jake Delhomme," says Brees. "Jake's tossed more 'picks' than Eddie Van Halen. Me? I'll be prepared for everything the Eagles bring. I may be the most studious quarterback in the league. I've watched more video than Bob Crane."
The Eagles defense will throw something at Brees he didn't see against Detroit: resistance. But Brees has a multitude of weapons, including tight end Jeremy Shockey and Reggie Bush, who he'll be able to find underneath if Philly tries to take away the deep ball.
Of course, the Eagles will score plenty as well, but the Saints get the ball last, and Brees engineers a drive that ends with a John Carney field goal.
New Orleans wins, 34-32