Scott Skiles' "Ugly" Milwaukee Bucks Become Unwatchable—Finally!

I am so sick and tired of watching exciting basketball.

You know the type:  An up-tempo style featuring high-flying, acrobatic dunks and long-range three point bombs. 

That brand of hoops usually means final scores like 132-127, 3-4 players with 20+ points, and the team possessing the ball last scoring and winning.  Well, I've simply had it with all of heart-pounding, adrenaline-drenched action.

Give me a slow-down, half-court, Dick Bennett era Wisconsin Badger-esque methodical, deliberate game.  Give me final scores like 86-85.  Give me 3-4 players (on each team) fouling out. 

Give me the last point of the game scored at the 1:26 mark.  I crave it.  I long for it.  I am sitting with bated breath on the edge of my seat for it.  I'm a "boring basketball" junkie and I need my fix now.

So why am I so enraptured with this unwatchable style of basketball?  Why do I wish to see flopping and hacking permeate my NBA games? 

Why do I treat the words "fast break" with the same disdain as George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV"?  The answer is quite simple:

Because it wins bleeping championships!

If you don't believe me, look at the modern day facts: 

Phoenix Suns GM Jerry Colangelo decided to trade for Steve Nash and build the team around his strengths—running the fast break, finding open big men for thunderous dunks, and getting sharp-shooters clear looks at threes. 

Colangelo did indeed turn the Suns into one of the most exciting teams in the NBA's recent history.

But that's about all he accomplished.

Now, Nash—who never could shut down his opponent—is aging fast.  Amare Stoudemire (who put up 25 points and 10 boards every game) usually surrendered 30 and 13 to whoever he was guarding. 

Shawn Marion—the most underrated part of the Suns' offensive machine—was traded to Miami along with his defensive prowess, rebounding, and unselfishness for Shaquille O'Neal. 

Shaq—who was acquired for his ability to defend the post (which he never really did in his prime, either)—showed that he didn't have much left in the tank as the Suns were once again trounced by (who else?) the San Antonio Spurs in the first round of the 2008 playoffs.

Phoenix is a team in flux.  Their championship window, if not closed already, is open roughly about the same distance between Shaq's shoes and the hardwood when he "leaps" for a rebound. 

They never could get by the Spurs, and that's how Mike D'Antoni (who has since fled to New York) will be remembered by NBA fans.

Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo—Jerry's son—decided that he would attempt the same philosophy when he left to take over Toronto. 

He traded for a point guard in T.J. Ford who was a threat to paralyze himself every time he stepped on the court. 

He signed guys like Jorge Garbajosa, Andrea Bargnani, and Anthony Parker to shoot, run, and score with Ford and Jose Calderon running the show. 

But where did that get Toronto?  Two consecutive first round playoff exits.

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