The Los Angeles Lakers Represent All That Is Evil in the World

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The Los Angeles Lakers Represent All That Is Evil in the World
(Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images for ESPY)

I’m an NBA junkie, and the one franchise that I can not stand is the Los Angeles Lakers. I passionately root against them. Whoever’s playing against the Lakers for the night becomes my favorite team. Here’s why: They’ve won the most games in NBA history, and have the 2nd most titles. Nobody likes a bully. It’s like rooting for the Yankees or Cowboys. They’ve practically never had a bad team over the course of their history. They’ve beaten the teams I’ve liked a lot in recent years. Those fun Kings teams, the Spurs, and occasionally the Mavericks. They have a ton of dumb, fake, celebrity fans who wouldn’t even be “fans” if they didn’t move to L.A. for the movie careers. Hell, some of the celebs only go for publicity. Showing up fashionably late, as many of their fans do, is idiotic. Their crowds pale in comparison to the rowdy, blue collar Celtics fans.

The Lakers have swooned so many great players away from their first teams, solely because their franchise is located in sunny Los Angeles. (Don’t tell me the Clippers have this same advantage. The Lakers have been in Los Angeles much longer.) What an absurd monopoly on great centers they’ve had, only because those guys wanted to play in L.A. In 1968, the Philadelphia 76′ers traded a mad Wilt Chamberlain to the Lakers, and a title ensued. In 1975, the Bucks traded Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to the Lakers, basically because Kareem threw a hissy fit because he didn’t want to play in Milwaukee, and he wanted to go to LA. 5 titles were then won. Fantastic. In 1996, Shaquille O’Neal left the Orlando Magic for the Lakers. Awesome. 3 titles followed. Not to mention the Grizzlies handing Pau Gasol to the Lakers for scrubs, before anyone even knew he was on the market. Seriously, some other team would’ve made a better offer. Another title.

How different would the course of NBA history had been if these guys didn’t have an obsession with the city of Los Angeles? At least Boston, the other dominant team in NBA history, got all their great players through the draft. This advantage of having people desire to play in Los Angeles can kind of be paralleled to how the New York Yankees spend ludicrous amounts of money to sign guys. The free agent market is the Lakers and Yankees farm systems. I hate it.

Plus, how many bandwagon fans do they have?. I can’t tell you how many Lakers fans I’ve come across that are Lakers fans for no reason other than they’re always good, and they have bright yellow jerseys that attract idiots. Kobe is my least favorite player in NBA history, and who does he play for again? He’s a jerk, for about 438 reasons (cheated on his wife, demanded Shaq be traded, ratted out Shaq for cheating on his wife, saying “I should’ve paid my women to stay quiet like Shaq did”, and screams at teammates). Seriously, how does anyone like this guy?

What’s with the nickname, the “Lakers”? Hello, you’re not in Minneapolis anymore. I don’t see many lakes around. Change your nickname, for the love of god. Here’s a few suggestions that might be more fitting: the “Surgeons”, the “Superficials”, the “Smogs”, or how about the “Thieves”? Plus, I despise their bright, obnoxious jerseys. Ok, that one’s not a legit argument, but it still bugs me.

Well, now the Lakers are starting another title defense. Great. Let’s just say I’m rooting for some guy in Cleveland. [SPORTS NEWS YOU CAN DRINK A BEER TO - BAREKNUCKS.COM]

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