Oh, how we’ve missed you, Emmitt.
NFL Hall-of-Famer, “Dancing With the Stars” alumnus and hair-dye salesman Emmitt Smith – who butchered the English language for two years as part of ESPN’s stellar NFL commentary crew – has returned to public life with a fresh smock and a sharp set of knives. His targets this time around?
Pigs, and the Dallas Cowboys.
The league’s all-time leading rusher has teamed up with the National Pork Board to trumpet the tailgating pleasures of pig flesh, just in time for the NFL’s regular-season kickoff.
“I consider pork a triple-threat on the grill because it’s quick to cook, tastes great and pairs well with almost any flavor,” Smith opined in a statement released by high-powered pig lobbyists (lobbyists who represent pig farmers, not pigs who happen to also be lobbyists). “It’s all about enjoying good food without sacrificing game time – that’s why I love pork.”
Heck, Smith loves pork so much these days he even appears in a video to proclaim its meaty goodness (via NESW Sports).
So who does Smith not love these days?
Well, Tony Romo for starters. Oh, and that Wade Phillips guy, too.
“I never saw (Romo) go snatch somebody up, and say, ‘Hey, we can’t win like this. We can’t have guys jumping offsides. I can’t have (a defender) coming at me unabated. Who is making the mistakes up front? Why aren’t you picking this guy up? This is not going down this way. If you can’t get your job done, get off the football field,’ ” Smith said of the Cowboys quarterback in his interview with Sirius (via ESPN).
Emmitt also made it clear he’s not buying the whole Wade Phillips/tough guy routine.
“So when … you say things are going to change, and you’ve never been that dominant personality or in that leadership position then, as a player, you lose me,” Smith said. “I’m sitting there saying, ‘OK, now you’re going to become a leader?’ What happened (in previous playoff seasons) when we got knocked out both times?
“Now all of a sudden, you’re going to change? And our talent level is less than it was two years ago (when the Cowboys made the playoffs as the NFC’s No. 1 seed, only to lose to the Giants). How much better can we be?”
We have no idea, Emmitt. Then again, we’re all hopped up on pork chops, so we’re probably not thinking real clearly.
On with today’s links, sponsored by former Romo snatch-up Carrie Underwood.
- NFL renaissance man Chris Cooley loves him some pottery (complete with video). Let’s hope he fares better than Fawn Leibowitz did. (Sportress of Blogitude)
- It’s official: Erin Andrews is now under heavier security than Chris Berman’s private NFL Countdown buffet. (Busted Coverage)
- It ain’t a Lingerie Football League party ’til somebody gets de-pantsed. (With Leather)
- Gender-challenged track star Caster Semenya gets makeover, poses for South African magazine cover, and stuns readers with his/her freakish ability to look frighteningly similar to Venus Williams. (Daily Mail UK)