Somewhere in the United States, a profiteering marketer is scheming to capitalize on the rising fame of young tennis star Melanie Oudin. The commercial campaign would go something like this:
On a pink background screen the words flash on the screen to start the commercial.
Warning: The following commercial is rated NP, for children viewing only and may contain scenes intended only for teens and pre-teens. Children distracting parents is advised.
Announcer: Hey kids! You have seen her on television and watched her be the comeback kid of the 2009 US Open. She's Melanie Oudin and K-Tel presents THE MELANIE OUDIN F-BOMB doll!!
The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb doll does all the things you wish you could do. It fights and fights to get what it wants and occasionally just occasionally you'll hear the F-bomb! Now you can use that F-bomb without ever having to say it, and there's nothing your parents can do about it.
Scene goes to a daughter playing with her doll and her mother in the other room.
Mother: Karen honey, clean up your room, it is a mess!!
The child is enjoying her play is disturbed and goes to the Melanie Oudin doll and pushes the button on her nose.
Melanie Oudin Doll: F * C K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mother: What did I just hear you say!!!
Karen: It wasn't me, Mom. It was the doll.
The mother shakes her head and walks away.
Announcer: The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb Doll can be yours for only $49.95 plus shipping and handling. Don't worry about the pricing, kids. Just get your Daddy's credit card and call this toll free 1-800 number flashing on the screen and we'll take care of the rest.
The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb is also available in French, Spanish, and German. Call now and we will send you a free stink-mode that starts when a parent tries to take the doll away from you. You'll never part with your doll again! The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb doll available now only by calling. Not available in stores. Batteries sold separately!!