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Melanie Oudin F-Bomb Doll Now on Sale! (Humor)

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 09:  Melanie Oudin of the United States reacts to a call during her match against Caroline Wozniacki of Denmark during day ten of the 2009 U.S. Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 9, 2009 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IOctober 17, 2016

Somewhere in the United States, a profiteering marketer is scheming to capitalize on the rising fame of young tennis star Melanie Oudin.  The commercial campaign would go something like this:

On a pink background screen the words flash on the screen to start the commercial.

Warning: The following commercial is rated NP, for children viewing only and may contain scenes intended only for teens and pre-teens. Children distracting parents is advised.

Announcer:  Hey kids!  You have seen her on television and watched her be the comeback kid of the 2009 US Open. She's Melanie Oudin and K-Tel presents THE MELANIE OUDIN F-BOMB doll!!

The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb doll does all the things you wish you could do. It fights and fights to get what it wants and occasionally just occasionally you'll hear the F-bomb! Now you can use that F-bomb without ever having to say it, and there's nothing your parents can do about it. 

Scene goes to a daughter playing with her doll and her mother in the other room.

Mother: Karen honey, clean up your room, it is a mess!!

The child is enjoying her play is disturbed and goes to the Melanie Oudin doll and pushes the button on her nose.

Melanie Oudin Doll: F * C K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother:  What did I just hear you say!!!

Karen:  It wasn't me, Mom.  It was the doll.

The mother shakes her head and walks away.

Announcer:  The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb Doll can be yours for only $49.95 plus shipping and handling.  Don't worry about the pricing, kids.  Just get your Daddy's credit card and call this toll free 1-800 number flashing on the screen and we'll take care of the rest. 

The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb is also available in French, Spanish, and German.  Call now and we will send you a free stink-mode that starts when a parent tries to take the doll away from you.  You'll never part with your doll again!  The Melanie Oudin F-Bomb doll available now only by calling.  Not available in stores.  Batteries sold separately!!

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