USC-Ohio State: A Buckeye Interviews a Trojan

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USC-Ohio State: A Buckeye Interviews a Trojan
(Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

Recently I had the privilege of interviewing a lifelong USC Trojan fan about the upcoming USC-Ohio State game to be played Saturday, in case you were unaware.

I've personally never been to California and really haven't talked to many Californians so I was thrilled to get to talk to Joey.

Joey is a Los Angeles native who works at In and Out burger during the day and parks cars at night.

He aspires to be an actor and his number one dream is to be a guest on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brian, although he did say he'd settle for Craig Ferguson if push came to shove.

Enough with the introduction, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes.

MC: Joey, let me first say thank you for the interview. We Ohioans are always looking to meet different people, and I was assured that you would be the perfect candidate.

Joey: Thanks Mike. It was a pleasure to just be nominated.

MC: Spoken like a true Californian! So this will be your first trip to Columbus and the Horseshoe in general. What are you looking forward to the most?

Joey: All I want to see is the Buckeyes pay for what they did to my Trojans last year.

MC: ...But the Trojans beat OSU 35-3 last year. What could you possibly be upset about?

Joey: Just kidding' cuddie. Seeing if you were paying attention. Seriously though, the one thing I want to see is OSU go down on their home field.

MC: Last year was a beat down, I'll admit. There is actually talk in the media that this year will be much of the same. USC is favored by seven points. Do you think the Buckeyes will use this as motivation?

Joey: All I know about the Buckeyes is that I think they're a bunch of pansies. Not flowers either. Do you know that they are the most hated team out there? I mean it's like starring in a movie like Glitter. Sorry Mariah Carey, but it was bad.

MC: I was warned about your obsession with Mariah, let’s keep her out of this, OK? I also heard that you got a new Roman Armor last year at Halloween. Are you actually going to wear it to the game?

Joey: Dude, I only wear that on April Fool's Day.

MC: We only have a few more questions so let’s talk about the game. Matt Barkley is 18 years old and he seems to be a bit on the cocky side. Do you think that's a good move for Mr. Barkley at this point?

Joey: Well, I mean you can look at it two ways. One, take a look at sunsets in Miami. They can be cocky but they’re still beautiful. Barkley’s passes are like a Miami sunset. Or you can look at it the way most people do: If you don’t have confidence you are going to let the heat get to you, so just lay back, get sun burnt and play.

MC: Wow, that was very...poetic. Are you a USC alumni?

Joey: Yes...and no.  Sometimes I wish I was and other times I wish I wasn’t.  But yes I went there until my junior year.  Go Trojans!

MC: OK. Now before we go let’s play a game. I'll give you a name, you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Ready?

Joey: Oh, like word association.

MC: Right, word association. Here's the first one: Pete Carroll.

Joey: Great Coach

MC: Jim Tressel

Joey: Homo

MC: Traveler

Joey: Intense

MC: Brutus

Joey: Giant

MC: Los Angeles

Joey: Kobe

MC: Columbus

Joey: Gloomy

MC: And finally give us your prediction and final score.

Joey: USC 57-5

MC: Wow! USC by 52 points! That is a bold statement from such a little guy?

Joey: I'm a woman.  Name’s Josephine, but they call me Joey for short.

MC: Oh. My mistake. The mullet, I mean hair, threw me off. Well, thanks for your input Joey and enjoy the trip to Columbus. Any last words?

Joey: SHAKE AND BAKE BABY! GO TROJANS! 

 

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