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LOTD: Why The Pittsburgh Steelers and Their Fans Suck

Midwest Sports FansAnalyst IJanuary 8, 2017

Pittsburgh Steelers Suck - steelers fan - why your team sucks series by Drew Magary

[Editor's note: This post is dedicated to Ryan Russell and Nick Gerlach.]

Hands down on the best running series in the sports blogosphere is Drew Magary’s incomparable Why Your Team sucks series at Deadspin. No, it is not the kind of material that I would ever forward to my mom or dad to read…but that is precisely what makes it so sublime.

Here is the description that opens up every one of these posts, to give you an idea of their purpose: “Some people are fans of the [insert team name]. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the [insert team name]. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.”

Today, Drew finished off the series by regaling Deadspin readers with funny, sophomoric, and expletive-filled prose describing the many ways why the Pittsburgh Steelers, their fans, and their city unequivocally suck.

Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and it is today’s link of the day.

Why Your Team Sucks: Pittsburgh Steelers — (Drew Magary via Deadspin)

6. The Steel Curtain is the worst metaphor ever. They’re curtains. They either open in the center, or they can be drawn upwards to allow you to pass through. That is the function of a curtain. It doesn’t matter what material it’s made from: steel, adamantium, chiffon. ALL CURTAINS ARE EASILY PENETRATED SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE DESIGNED THAT WAY. Call it the Steel Wall. Or the Steel Monolith. Call it something that connotes impenetrability. A curtain intimidates no one…

And then there is this, from the smorgasboard of write-in comments included at the end of each Why Your Team Sucks post. This guy is definitely a Browns fan:

Dave V.:

So many Pittsburgh fans are from Ohio, and they are the biggest bandwagon fans in the world. These troglodytes have never even been to Pennsylvania, and yet they adorn their overweight, uneducated bodies with gaudy yellow and black, and call themselves true Steeler fans.

Also published today were the Why Your Team Sucks posts for the Baltimore Ravens and Cleveland Browns. Both of these are equally, if not moreso, hilarious as well as surprisingly insightful.

And that we have that out of the way, onto the rest of today’s links.




* – Hilariously-named “Randy Beefsmith” photo credit: The Sports Hernia

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