Dallas Stars: New Titles May Mean Better Performance for Organization

It's official, just months after Brett Hull And Les Jackson were named "Interim Co-General Managers" (ICGMs) of the Dallas Stars the two have been contracted to official Co-GM status until the Buck Rogers year of 2011.

(Originally their full title was "Interim Transitional Co-General-We'll-See-How-It-Goes Managers" ...but they wisely decided to shorten it)

The strategy behind this cumbersome dual-title was to present a savvy persona to the media while still having a competent managerial presence for the "business side" of the job... and to assuage Tom Hicks' inherent fear of commitment (but that's another (ugly) story involving an ex-girlfriend and cousin).

The appointment of Hull as the ICGM was soon after his appointment to the envious and previously enigmatic job of "Ambassador of Fun" - a role he grabbed with both hands and ripped into like one of his patented slappers.

So pleased with his performance in this novel position, the Stars promoted Hull to protect Jackson from the media hounds. Kind of a "More Hull-Less Jackson" approach to public relations.

Because of the blast-off success the innovative "Ambassador of Fun" title brought Brett, the Stars have now decided to re-vamp a few more titles to see if it has the same effect on others in the organization.

Dave Tippett will no longer be known as head coach, he'll now be "Governor General of Smarter Play."

Former Stars' goalkeeper Andy Moog, who was promoted to "Assistant General Manager for Player Development and Goaltending Coach" will, from now on, be referred to as the "3rd Viscount of New Guys & Net Guys."

Ulf Dahlen was assistant coach... but now is "Assistant Ice Meister!"

Former "President of the Dallas Stars" Jeff Cogan, will assume the new title of "Emperor of Everything Starry." 

And Owner Tom Hicks will now take the newly devised position of "Grand Poo-bah of Dallas Hockey Monies"

"We think this will promote a better attitude within the franchise, and make management figures feel much cooler in front of their friends," said an unnamed team source.