WWN: Randy Orton Kills His Biggest Legend Ever!

Matthew HesterSenior Writer ISeptember 7, 2009

Hello everyone. As always, I would like to thank you for spending some time with me today.

I am pleased to tell you it once again time for another hard hitting report of the “Wrestling Word News." This is the only place where you can read about the stories the mainstream media is afraid to report.

If you have any stories you would like to share but are afraid to, due to “the man's” pressure to shut you up.  I would encourage you to share it with me. I keep my sources safe from all evildoers who try to censor the world from the truth.

I only have one late breaking story for you, but its a big one!


Randy Orton kills another legend

Story reported from Moliver, Maine

Over the years we have seen Randy Orton kill many legends in the ring. It has just been released that that Randy has struck again. The legend he killed this time was no wrestler, though.

Orton was on vacation and was having dinner with his family at a local fish restaurant. As he was leaving with his family he was approached by local fisherman and Maine native Bob Bobbitt. Bob, who looked in bad shape, would go on to ask Orton for help with something.

Orton felt bad for Bob, so he offered to help Bob out. Orton would soon find out though that he had agreed to something for worse than anticipated. As it would turn out, Bob had been recruited to ask Orton for help with local legend “Big Red."

Big red is a lobster that is over 50 feet long and weighs over 1,000 pounds. Over the last five years, Big Red has terrorized the local fishermen, leaving them almost penniless.

When the fishermen had heard Orton was in town they knew they had to ask him for help.

“We were desperate,” cried Bob. ”Just this year alone Big Red has capsized three of our ships. We have tried harpooning him, shooting him; we just couldn’t kill the damn thing.

"We knew the legend killer was in town and we thought who better than him to ask for help.”

Orton was in shock when he discovered what Bob actually wanted him to do. Still being a man of his word, Orton agreed to still help the fallen fisherman. It would be a decision that would almost cost him his life.

Bob brought him to the pier that Big Red had last been seen at. At first everything seemed docile and Orton had thought he had dodged a bullet.

It wasn’t until he was on his way back to Bob's pick up truck, when he heard something looming under the decks.

As he turned around to see what the noise was. He was shocked when he saw the gigantic lobster crash through the decks.  

The startled Orton was frozen as Big Red landed right in front of him. Big Red was quick on the attack and tried to grab Orton with its giant claws.

Orton came out of his daze just in time and was able to avoid the mammoth meat hooks. Orton, remembering his studies in marine Biology, knew he had only one chance to beat the huge crustacean.

“I first I didn’t know what to do. I saw this giant lobster attacking me and I panicked. Then, I remembered that lobsters have bad vision and use their antennae to see.” Orton recalled. ”I knew that if I could get to them I stood a chance.”

Orton’s knowhow would pay off big time. As Big Red went to take another swipe at Orton, he quickly jumped in the air and ripped off Big Red’s giant antennae.

This sent Big Red into a tail spin, not knowing which way it was going; it went inland instead of heading back to the ocean.

After a few minutes, Big Red was unable to breathe and eventually died. While the fishermen were happy with the defeat, the victory over Big Red was a bittersweet one for Orton.

“I really didn’t want to kill it. I was hoping it would just swim away after I confused it. I am a firm believer in not abusing living creatures.”

The town was so happy that they would reward Orton the key to the city. After words they took him and his family out to dinner. When the food arrived, he was shocked to see his former foe smothered in butter and ready to eat.

Orton gracefully thanked the fishermen but passed on the lobster dinner that night. This would turn out to be one vacation Randy Orton would never forget.

“If I learned anything from this, it’s always ask what someone wants, before offering your help.”

That is it for today’s report.

As always, have a safe and blessed day.