Andy Roddick's Mailman Joins Commentary In CBS Booth (Humor)

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst ISeptember 5, 2009

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 05:  Andy Roddick looks on after breaking John Isner during day six of the 2009 U.S. Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 5, 2009 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

CBS commentators Dick Enberg, Mary Jo Fernandez and John McEnroe were joined by Any Roddick's mailman who chose to be identified only as The Mailman.  The four provided live coverage of the Andy Roddick-John Isner match which Isner won 7-6, 6-3, 3-6, 5-7,7-6.  The following was an excerpt of the broadcast. 


Dick Enberg:  Oh my....John Isner is off to a great start against Andy Roddick taking the first set 7-6.  Along with Mary Jo Fernandez and John McEnroe, we are joined by none other than Andy Roddick's mailman.  He simply wants to be called Mr. Mailman.

John McEnroe:  Well Mr. Mailman, it looks like you have delivered some pretty bad news to Andy Roddick in the form of John Isner. 

Mr. Mailman: I did no such siree bob.  I can tell you that Andy's shirt out there looks heavier than it did in Wimbledon. 

John McEnroe:  Are you kidding me?  His shirt has nothing to do with his play. This is a very tight match and it will really be a close one between two highly skilled players.

Mary Jo Fernandez:  I have to agree with John here.  His shirt is playing no role in his performance today. 

Mr. Mailman: Well, you can throw all the stats out that you want but there are two reasons why Andy Roddick will lose today.  One is that he is not changing his shirt as often as he should and secondly, he wears his cap a size too tight on his head.

Dick Enberg: Oh my... that is really interesting but is there any merit to it, John?

John McEnroe: Absolutely not.

Mr. Mailman: Now hold on.  When was the last time Andy Roddick won a slam? 

John McEnroe: 2003 why?

Mr. Mailman: Well in 2003, Andy Roddick was a twenty-year old. 

John McEnroe: So?

Mr. Mailman: Well from the time you are twenty to the time you are twenty-six, your head grows.

John McEnroe:  That is ridiculous and even if it were true, Roddick would easily adjust his cap size to fit his growing head. 

Mr. Mailman: I don't think so.

John McEnroe: Why not?

Mr. Mailman: Well if he didn't have the common sense to change his sweat-heavy shirt when he needed to, why would he have the sense to get a bigger cap?

John McEnroe:  Where did they find this guy? Listen, pal stick to the mail delivery.  You don't know tennis.  This match has nothing to do with clothing.  Get this guy out of here!

Mr. Mailman:  You better watch it, John McEnroe.  I am a United States Post Office employee.

John McEnroe: Whoopty-friggin' do!

Mr. Mailman:  Let me tell you something, Mac.  I CONTROL the mail.  I know your mailman Gus McQuicken.  I have had a chat with him.  I know about your IRS problem, you complaint about your late Cialis order and your penchant for racking up charges from 1-900-AFRICAN-BOOTY line on your phone bill.

Dick Enberg:  Oh my....

Mary Jo Fernandez: I am speechless...

John McEnroe:  Let's stick to tennis here, people.  Mr. Mailman, you are out of line.  Reading personal mail is a felony. 

Mr. Mailman: I didn't read your mail, your mailman Gus has x-ray vision.  By the way, even he was surprised you got that restraining order from Maria Sharapova.

Dick Enberg: Oh my....

John McEnroe:  Can we cut to commercial while I return Mr. Mailmen here to sender?

Mr. Mailman: Lay one finger on me and you will never see your Hanna Montana pillow cases that you ordered.

Mary Jo Fernandez:  Hannah Montana???

Dick Enberg: Oh my...

John McEnroe:  THAT'S IT!!  YOU ARE MINE, PAL!!!

Mr. Mailman:  Wait! This letter came in for you.

Mr. Mailman gives McEnroe the letter and takes off. Mcenroe opens the letter and reads it.

John McEnroe:  This letter is dated April 10th, 2009. (He reads it aloud)

Dear Mr. McEnroe, 

I would be pleased to take you on as my new coach.  Please kindly let me know of your acceptance by April 25th or I will assume that you have passed on your own offer.  I look forward to working with you soon!


Roger Federer


Dick Enberg:  Oh my....